I am in Romania!!!
……and it is cold!
Definitely a change from last month where we were in the glorious sun all the time. Goodbye tan! Hellllllooooo pale skin again!
And I’ve decided after living next to the ocean for a month that if the Lord ever calls me to live on a coast, I will be perfectly content with that. 🙂
If you read my previous blog you know that we had a debrief for the last few days in Haiti. It was a time to process, talk, and simply worship together as a whole squad. It was a relaxing and fun time.
It was also a very painful time.
Here’s why:
On our second day we were given the task to journal about repentance, forgiveness, and things we desired more than the Lord during these last two months.
Honestly, I avoided those topics and wrote about things I would miss from Haiti and the D.R – happy things!
Silly to think I tried to avoid the issues at hand in my own journal.
I did this, though, becuase I didn’t like what I saw when told to journal about the above topics.
Here’s what I didn’t like about it:
Repentance: I could think of several times when I became bitter towards teammates because of little things they did that annoyed or bothered me…and I never went directly to them to seek forgiveness for harboring bitter thoughts towards them.
Forgiveness: There were times when I simply needed to forgive someone on my team or in life in general, and I just didn’t want to. In my stubbornness I felt like I deserved an apology in order to feel like I could finally forgive and let go. The Lord reminded me that that’s not how forgiveness works; there aren’t any conditions to forgiveness, other than it must be done.
Things we desired more than the Lord:I’ve noticed that when things start to get difficult or uncomfortable, I get the mindset of wanting to be on this trip solely to do good things for the Lord – to help and serve His people . While those intentions are good, they were above the desire of wanting to be transformed inwardly.
Many times I would think:
“Ya know, this trip would be so much easier if I weren’t hurt in the process – if I didn’t have to be corrected and disciplined by the Lord constantly.”
In essence, I desired to work for Him rather than simply be with Him.
Oh, the pain! I know it’s good, because the Lord disciplines those He loves. But the process does hurt. I kept being reminded of a skit I once saw, and I thought I’d share it with y’all – it’s definitely worth watching. Continue reading, though, and you’ll find the video at the end.
Here’s another reason why debrief was painful:
We received news from our team leader, Justin, that once we were to arrive at the JFK airport he would be going home.
SAY WHAT?!?!?!?!
The news hit me like a brick wall.
Justin:
my twinsie/pervsie,
our humble and wonderful leader,
and my really good friend
would no longer be on the race with us. 🙁
I was crushed and saddended. It felt like losing a family member.
As a team we felt compelled to pray for him after being told the news, and honestly – I didn’t want to pray for him at that moment, haha. But I did anyways.
The reason Justin went home was becase of God.
True story!
And for that I cannot be terribly upset.
In all seriousness, Justin had been receiving many blatant signs from the Lord that he was to go home to be married to his awesomely-wonderful girlfriend, Shealei.
Aren’t they presh?
Despite my sadness and selfishness for wishing that he could stay with Team Monarch (kaw kaw!) for the duration of the race, I truly am happy for him, and I honestly cannot wait to see what the Lord will do through him and Shealei as a team. They both feel called to the mission field, and I know the Lord’s going to do amaaaaaazing things through them! Although we’re still adjusting to this change and are going to miss him immensely, I know this is what the Lord wanted for them and for us as a team.
So, in a nutshell: Debrief was great and terrible at the same time. I have a feeling it will only continue to be like that, haha, but I guess it’s much needed. At least I can rest in the fact that the Lord is working on me.
And if my life right now were made into a skit, here’s what it would look like:
