One year…

I graduated last year, May 10, 2008 with a Broadcast Journalism degree ready to take on the world and become the kick butt reporter I knew I was destined to be. My plan was to become a reporter in a small town and move my way up through the ranks through the muck to eventually become a star entertainment reporter telling everyone about the latest hollywood gossip, who was dating who and what was hot and what was not. I was never a stranger to the spotlight. I had danced since I was 9 years old, did theatre shows, majored in theatre until sophomore year. I had no shame. I knew my dream of saying, “For *insert news station name here*, I’m Michelle Euperio” was coming.

 

Two weeks before graduation, God said, “No, you will not become a reporter.” I lost the passion, the drive, the desire, the hope. More or less, I knew he took it away. In my head, that was not an option. I tried to brush it off and do it my way. I sent my resume tape to 75 news stations before I stopped counting.  I KNEW this is what I had to do.

 

My friends moved to different states following the call what God had for them.  I went from having all my besties surrounding me to no one. I had never felt so alone. so scared and so lost. i also had my heart broken. I planned what was next… why was it nothing happening?

 

I moved back in with my parents not realizing how we had unresolved problems from before I moved to college that were never dealt with. 

 

After Graduation, I cried at least twice a day if not more. Id cry in the morning because I swear I had it all planned out, Id cry at night because I didnt know what I was doing with my life. Cry when a sappy song came on. It was just a painful low time in my life. I prayed everyday that God would take me in his arms and just hold me because I was so scared because I didn’t know anything and I felt hopeless. Sleep had become such a great escape because I didn’t have to deal with the saddness of reality.

 

I was blessed enough to be go on a trip to Ireland. I didnt want to go. I would have rather cried and had a pity party for myself. I had already spent half of my graduation money on a ticket to go….so no choice.. i went and man o man what an amazing blessing! I spent the entire time being showered with love by God. I met so many amazing people who were so loving and so wonderful and got in touch with people from the past summer who had made such an impact on me in Hawaii. Even met some people who restored my faith in men. I came back stronger and confident in the woman that God had made me and wanted me to be. I no longer needed to know and have an absolute plan of my future. I realized it was not in my hands. What a relief it was to let go… and let God (Shout out David Spencer!)

 

When I went home, my parents and I tackled those problems. It was a far from easy time but it has made our relationship stronger now. We just have a better understanding of each other now than we have ever had.

 

 I applied for 178 jobs not including the resume tapes sent out, applied for Teach for America, had a couple of interviews but all heard no in the end…heartbroken. So here I am….a year later….. still not knowing what to expect or what I will be doing except for the World Race….. still somewhat unsure how God chose me to do this… but knowing the World Race is next is more than enough. I won’t lie and say that my life is perfect by any means…. far far far from. I work a job that I am not really fond of and I dont really have any friends now (in Mesquite/Dallas), which is a complete change from last year as well but I know that this junk, this temporary sacrifice will be worth whatever is to come. Maybe I am supposed to be a light to my coworkers? Who knows? But God has placed me there for a reason and I will abide.

 

I am just really excited to look back and see how much I have grown in the past year. Yes that was a hard low time in my life, but looking back it was probably one of the most beautiful times because I was so broken and so lost. There was no where to go but run into God’s arms. I love that I am finally becoming the woman I have always wanted to be…. not the woman that I faked to be or who I thought everyone else wanted me to be… but the woman that God desires me to be. It is so weird to me being so comfortable with not knowing what lies ahead. I guess thats the beauty of just finally being able to be and trust God. I love knowing that my confidence, happiness and light come all from him. He knows best… better than any plan I could ever think of. I cant wait to see the growth that will happen in the upcoming years…especially in the next. 🙂