I Got Called Out By a Prostitute…

Vivian. What a beautiful woman. I wrote another blog about Vivian’s hope and how it has encouraged me to dream huge. Check out that blog here.

She told ME that I deserved a man that was nice, loving, encouraging and loved me for who I am.

Hmm. Interesting. A woman who is being used by men for sex still has hope for a man “that will love her and encourage her.” Yet trusting someone of the opposite sex has been super hard for me. Vivian’s words cut deep into me but it was what I needed to hear. Her words made me realize I needed to get over myself.

(Here’s a vulnerable layer off.) I have never been in a relationship, yet because of the hurt that I have seen other friends go through and because of the heart ache that I have been through.. I have become super bitter towards men.

Before coming to Spain, I told the Lord that I wanted everything He wanted to give me except for a relationship. I vowed to remain single for a period of time. Then it dawned on me, why was I trying to make myself live under an unnecessary law? We should be living in complete freedom. Why if there was supposed to be someone that came along was I so against the idea of it?

Simply said, I was not completely trusting the Lord. Don’t get too excited and think that I am in a relationship now (trust me you would know)… hahah I’m far from actually but it just opened my eyes that if I am really desiring what the Lord has and wants to give me then I have to trust in Him about  EVERYTHING… including the timing and the person. I had to release that.

Also, it was not fair of me to assume that an entire gender of men were out to hurt every single woman. Yes, I have been burned a couple of times but how dare me put and label all men as selfish and heartbreakers. I began to think what if a man burned by a woman said that there wasn’t a thing such as a godly woman. FALSE. So I repent of my selfishness and my desire to keep people out. Because as much as I thought I was only keeping men out,  it spilled out to other relationships as well. I basically was swimming in my own selfishness trying not to let anyone in.

Annie, Martha, Kristen, Brittany, Tim, Dennis and Auston. My house is great. They are beautiful, loving and they broke past those walls. I can’t help but love every single one of them.

 I want to give a special shout-out to the wonderful, incredible Men of God that live in my house. Tim Carlson, Auston Copeland and Dennis Gable.

The first week that we all moved in, I expressed my bitterness. I expressed that I would lose it if I met another man that messed with my heart or with one of my girls hearts. I expressed that if I met another guy who didn’t follow through with their words that I would literally cut him.  Yup-don’t catch me in a fit of passion. Haha I can get all Mesquite.

Tim, Auston and Dennis have blown my mind. After I went a little bit psycho and crazy on them (hahah something we all laugh about now) they all promised that they would never hurt me or any woman in the house. For the first time in a long time, I could feel the bitterness melt away and I believed every word they said. I knew and believed that these were men that I could actually trust.  I challenged them to a higher standard and they have far exceeded that.

Tim, Auston and Dennis are some of the most upstanding gentlemen and Men of God that I have ever met and have had the privilege of knowing. They protect, guide, love, challenge, encourage us daily. They are men after God’s heart. They are warriors reclaiming their territory. They are fearless. They are bold and courageous. They encourage me to be a better woman of God. I am thankful and blessed that the Lord has used them to open my eyes to quality men.

 Through this, I have also learned that I need to be less concerned with the type of godly man that I desire and more concerned about the woman that would deserve such a man. I say I want a fearless, courageous Man of God that is fully and completely chasing God and doing everything in his might to bring Heaven on Earth….. But am I doing the same?

God’s got me. He’s got me in every single situation. I’m a fool to believe that I know better than Him.