2. 17.10
Hello dear friends!!
This evening I had the opportunity to preach to the
congregation at the church we are working with this month. Preaching is not my favorite thing. I am not an eloquent speaker. I wouldn’t even consider myself a good public
speaker! But I am willing. Since someone from our team has to preach
every night of the week…your turn comes up a few times. It’s not that we take turns even…you aren’t
forced to preach but it’s nice when we all take turns lol. I had already preached once the week
before. I shared a little about my
past. I spoke to them about Jeremiah
29:11 and how God has a purpose. I told
them they were not in that church by accident. Whether they are there because they happened to pass by at the right
time, whether they are there because a friend invited them, or even if they
were simply there because they heard 6 mzungus would be there…they were not
there by mistake! If I was still around
after a premature birth (around 10 weeks early!), a fire that left 3rd
degree burns on a good portion of my face at 16 months old, and a stomach
pumping at around age 4 because my sister told me my grandma’s medication was
candy…you better believe I am here for a reason!
Tonight’s message was a little different. I have no actual memory any of the events I
shared the previous time I spoke. Those
were all stories I recall my mother telling me. This time I spoke on forgiveness. Forgiving people isn’t always easy. I would bet that it is often harder than it is easy. I’m convinced that there are people in all of
our lives we’ve had trouble forgiving. Some of you reading this still haven’t forgiven certain people in your
life. There were many people in that
church who have not been able to forgive people from things in the past. I want to share the story I shared with that
congregation…
My mother and my father were never married. They did manage to have 4 wonderful children
though! (I’m pretty sure I’m the
favorite lol) I’m not certain when my
mother and father split but I’ve been told that I met my would be stepfather
when I was 4. My mom and my stepdad got
married when I was 8…and they have been married ever since. My mother and my father lived in separate
towns. My mother lived in a small town
in west TX and my father lived in Houston. My 2 sisters, my brother, and myself often spent our summer vacations
there. Some of the times I remember…but
some of the times I don’t.
My father was an alcoholic. I remember as a young girl sitting next to him in the car. He would ask me to hold the steering wheel
while he opened a can of beer. At some
point when I was young…I can’t even remember how old I was…my father started
coming into my room at night. Time after
time he forced me to do things that made me ashamed. I didn’t understand what
was going on. He told me he loved me and
if I loved him I wouldn’t tell anyone. Because if I told anyone…he would go to jail. He would tell me…”you don’t want your daddy
to go to jail do you?” What little girl
ever wants her daddy to go to jail! So I kept his secret…
I remember the day I told my parents (my mom and
stepdad). I was afraid. I was ashamed. Mostly I was embarrassed. I remember asking my dad what I did that was
so bad that my father did those things to me…My dad said he was going out to
the store. He went to the police station
instead. I went down and they took my
statement. It was one of the hardest
days of my life. My father was arrested
and went to court. He was sentenced to
25 years in prison. When the family on
my father’s side hear about what I had said…all but one of my aunts and one of
my uncles did not believe me. They said
I lied. They said my mother hated my
father so much that she made me say it. They never talked to me again after that day. My grandparents never said another word to me…they
both have passed away now.
When I was in college, my father would send me letters. I hated getting them because they always said
the same thing. “Please forgive me of
whatever it was I did…I don’t have any memory of it.” He even told me he found God while in
prison. I just couldn’t believe that he
couldn’t remember any of it! So I chose
not to forgive him. I’m sure I told
people I did…I even had myself convinced of it before long. But the hurt was still there. Every time I ended up sharing that part of my
past…I cried. I cried because it hurt
and I hadn’t forgiven him.
He came up for his first parole 3 years ago. It made me very nervous. I was sure he wouldn’t try to contact me…but
it still made me nervous. I had a hard
time with it. Probably because I was
still harboring unforgiveness in my heart.
Not long after, we had a conference at church. I don’t remember the speaker…or what he spoke
on. I simply remember laying on the
church floor crying out to God to take away the hurt. I asked Him where He was all those times…and
He answered me. He told me He never left
me. I felt God wrap His arms around me…and
He gave me a verse.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved,
clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and
patience. Bear with each other and forgive
whatever grievances you may have against one another…forgive as the Lord
forgave you.” Colossians 3:13-14
That verse doesn’t say to forgive the easy stuff. It says whatever. Webster’s dictionary defines whatever
as: any, all, no matter what, of any kind at all. How could I not forgive my
father after my heavenly Father forgave me of all I’ve done??? So I chose to forgive. I chose to stop carrying the burden of
unforgiveness.
I used to cry when I told people about that part of my
past. Since that day I have not shed a
single tear of pain when recalling any of those events. Probably 90% of you reading this have never
heard any of this. Some of you know much
of this story…but you don’t know how God allowed me to forgive. His parole was denied. I received a letter about a month ago telling
me he was up for second parole. This
time…I’m not nervous. I know God is in
control.
One of my favorite parts of this whole story came just after
the service…
A man approached me and 2 of my teammates as we were leaving
the church. I wasn’t sure what he was
telling me…His first sentence wasn’t exactly proper English. But the rest came out easy. His name is John. A few years ago he wanted to marry a certain young
lady. His parents did not agree and were
not supportive of his decision. He
married her anyhow and his parents disowned him. I’m not sure he’s spoken to his parents since
then. He told me God spoke to him
through me. He was going to call his parents
and try to reconcile. God showed him how
to forgive his parents. He said he was
going to call and talk to them…even if they didn’t want to hear him. He was so excited to call them! He was so
full of joy and it radiated from him. There was no doubt that this burden of unforgiveness was now
lifted.
If my story has helped only one person on this whole journey….it
was worth it!
If what I went through and my pain has helped bring freedom
to only one person…it was worth it!
