My neck strained to the right for hours, dust blowing in my face, the sun baking my exposed skin, and a cool breeze wiping away the sweat. I hardly care. The memory of these hours biking along a Cambodia red dirt road have burned the endless groves of cashew trees deep into my heart. It could not have been a more perfect day. If only I had pictures to capture these moments. I long never to forget the peace and freedom I felt on those distant roads. I could ride for days like this. In the middle of nowhere. Going nowhere. And anywhere. But never alone. The comfort of having my family in tow, with no worries about how to get back, or how to who to call in an emergency….I know I have all I need for whatever lies ahead.
But here, on these asphalt roads, alone, with a cell phone and a place to be….I feel strangled. Scared of what’s around the corner. Unsure of what’s next, and panicked about the possibilities. My heart feels so full of dreams and hopes that the idea of living an average life is terrifying. Yet the demands of my failures seem to drive my future and stick heavy like lead in my throat. This is not the freedom I know the Lord offers. This is not the life He has for me. But what does He have for me? I hardly know.
Lord, teach me to feel free in this concrete jungle. To have the comfort of your Spirit sustain me through the blazing heat. To have a hope for the future that is not about what I can see, but about who You are.
"…we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:23b-25
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Rom 15:13
