Taking a few deep breaths, I scan my surroundings for a place to sit. Its only been one mile, but my feet are screaming so loudly, they have my full attention. How can this be? 1 mile…. That’s nothing. I should be able to do 10, well, at least 5… for sure 3. But here we are, 1 mile in, and it feels like 100. Resting on this cold, hard rock, I look down to see my feet, blistered and bloody. How can this be?
The first few steps felt like a learning curve. The next few, like growing pains. Then sheer panic. The last ¼ mile I’ve spent contemplating the most important question…. Is this something difficult that I just need to press into and learn from, or are these pains a sign that something wrong….. is this just the wrong fit?
Its been a long, hard journey here in Little Rock, but after much inspection, I discover I have been wearing someone else’s glass slippers. Jamming all 10 toes into places they just don’t fit, expecting my heal to keep my feet in place, when it cannot reach the back.
I’m not the type to cut and run. If anything, I tend more toward staying for Martyrs sake. So I even wrote a proposal that would keep me here by cutting out a peep toe and stuffing the edges with cotton. But that’s not what these girls need. They need (and deserve) someone who can fill THESE shoes, as they are. They don’t need different shoes.
What now? Confusion? Discontent? No. Numbness? Probably. Its really hard to figure out where to go from here. The thought of moving from this rock brings flashbacks to the painful steps I’ve taken before, but how can I move forward while seated. How do I bring myself to put these crying puppies down to feel the dirt and grass beneath them.
For now, I am still working with PATH, though not as the House Manager. The organization is in a very busy time, so I am staying on to help with all sorts of other projects, but this is a short term solution. I just don’t know what’s next, or when it will come.
Maybe you too have walked a mile in someone else’s glass slippers. Maybe you are still looking for yours? Maybe you’ve found them!
Would you join me in prayer? For what, I’m not entirely sure. But Father, I want Your will, not mine. Your plans, Your purposes. I want to be in perfect step with you. Moving when You move, pausing when You do, and speaking only Your words. Use me. Let me know You more. Intimacy with You is the prize, the goal, the greatest purpose I could have. I love You Jesus. I love You Father. I love You Holy Spirit. I need You.
