For those who have known me a long time, and sometimes even for those who have just met me, it will come as no surprise when I reveal that the lowest of the five love languages on my scale is touch. I am not a touchy person. More than that, you could say that I am an untouchy person. I am not affectionate. I am the person who steps in to a party with a friend, and everyone hugs and greets the friend, but just gives me a friendly wave. It’s like I have a sign on my forehead, “No Touch.”
For a long time I was convinced and had others convinced that this was just who I was. Nothing to be ashamed of. I am what God made me to be, and I’m just not a physically affectionate person. No problem.
Except that it was a problem. Because that’s not actually who God made me to be. Somewhere along the line, I developed a fear and anxiety about touch that was not from the Lord. And rather than admit to that, I settled in my “truth” that this was just the way God had made me to be. And I said that loud and clear to anyone who asked about my aversion to touch.
But the World Race has opened my eyes to some things. At training camp, I learned what it was like to have someone rest their hand on your back during a quiet time, and know in that moment with just that one touch, that they were thinking and praying about you. Or to have everyone around you lay hands on you to pray over you, and to do the same for others. To know that with a hug or a hand on a shoulder I could convey to someone that I was there for them, and show them the love of Christ in a way that maybe I wasn’t used to, but they needed in that moment.
And that’s what it really came down to. I could share the love of Christ through my touch, and receive it as well. And I realized that I actually didn’t mind that kind of touch at all.
I’m slowly making strides towards being more loving with touch and receiving it better. Not to say that there’s something very wrong with not being a touchy person, for some people maybe that just is who they are. But it wasn’t who I was. And once I realized that, I experienced freedom. I didn’t have to be tied down by what I had thought myself to be for years. Sometimes change is okay.
