Since the summer of last year (2016), I have had many spiritual battles. Whether or not I should do this or that; feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, feeling alone, falling into my old sin pattern. I’ve felt encouraged, loved, peace, joy, and so much more.
From May to August it was by the grace of God that I ended up working at Sky Ranch Cave Springs in Quapaw, Oklahoma. I got to experience working at a camp for the first time which was indeed a struggle I will admit. Working all day from 7am until midnight or 1am depending on when night events ended and how long tear down took. From being completely tired and at times feeling as if some people seemed stuck up. From experiencing a sense of community I never felt to much love displayed upon one another.
October rolled around and I found out I got accepted to go on a mission/vision trip to Thailand and Cambodia to witness sex-trafficking and how to fight against it. I learned a lot about Destiny Rescue. However from October until January I did not fully believe I was meant or called to go. I kept doubting about whether or not I should go. Throughout this time I kept having dreams about Thailand and Cambodia and raising money for it. I finally decided to be committed and go all in and started to raise money for it. By the grace of God $3,500 was raised in 3 and a half months.
In January I went to World Mandate, the reason I went however is because a friend paid for me. Which was a huge blessing because I could not afford it and didn’t feel like going or if I should go. However, it changed me- I heard countless testimonies from speakers present in San Diego, California. Experienced grace and mercy, and enjoyed the little things. However, I still kept falling into masturbation, and watching pornography.
As the year continued to go by quickly in the blink of an eye, March arrived. Now this was the time to file for taxes, spring break was coming up quickly and it was during this time that a church wide mission trip to Mexico presented itself during spring break. So I asked God if I am meant to go to Mexico to allow my deadline of $2,000 be raised before the deadline and to have my taxes get returned back to me beforehand. Sure enough those both happened. Thus, I asked God one more time if I am meant to go to Tijuana, Mexico then to have someone bring up Tijuana before the day ended. Sure enough someone did during a meeting for Thailand and Cambodia. So I went to Mexico.
Spring break- Tijuana, Mexico many things happened. People received healing, God spoke to me about me saying yes to Him and being obedient. A blind man even received sight. Fast forward to May and I am on my way to Thailand and Cambodia with two different teams all unique in their own way. All facing their own trials; yet standing firm in the Lord. The team I was on, turned everything to prayer when we felt uneasy, when we felt as if things weren’t right, when we prayed over those facing different trials and when worship was going on. Two people ended up getting severely sick. There was also the Destiny Rescue team travel agent who ended up falling getting a concussion. We were all indeed stretched in our faith.
Thailand and Cambodia was a great experience and my heart is still there. I indeed want to go back. Unfortunately I did fall into sin again with porn and masturbation. But I have been growing in my faith. I now have the privilege of going on a mission trip for a year; to 11 different countries. I applied in August to the World Race. Before I applied though and got accepted I started to type out a support letter as if knowing I would get accepted. Then a month and a half later I felt as if I wasn’t supposed to go.
Last week however the word Hineni was brought to life at Chapel. A new term I learned in Hebrew that is used to say “Here I am Lord” in the sense that “whatever it is Lord, I will go and do it”. Abraham used this term before God told him to sacrifice Isaac. Of course though he didn’t because the Lord provided a ram to be sacrificed instead. For Isaac is also part of the lineage to Jesus. Moses also used this same term at the burning bush. This term helped me to realize, I am called to go on the World Race; before I got accepted or applied to the World Race I stated “here I am Lord”. Thus I will go for the Lord has called me. Satan can not win and he will not tear me down. I will continue to pursue the Lord with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength for only He can satisfy.
The Lord called me to GCU, He called me to Sky Ranch, He called me to Mexico, He called me to Thailand, He called me to Cambodia, and now He is calling me to abandon everything to follow Him for a year where I will continue to be transformed by Him. I have continuously been learning about saying yes to the Lord and being obedient to Him. The song Yes and Amen has continuously been on my mind as well. I will follow and listen to the Lord, for he is my comfort and my shield. My joy in the morning, and rest at night. He is the Lord of lords and King of kings. He has transformed my life for the better, to glorify His name and to advance His Kingdom.
Thus I say Hineni, for I will go where the Lord calls me.
