This month has been a joyful yet hard month so far. I have loved the beauty of this country and our ministry site is absolutely the best. But you have to take the bad with the good. I feel like everywhere I’ve turned I have had to be corrected, given feedback, talked too, and been asked a ton of why’s. To be honest I have felt like the child in the class that always gets in trouble. When in reality the Lord wasn’t gonna let me go back to old habits.
When I’ve been hurt in the past or have been around someone who has hurt me I was always quick to throw up walls and put up my best defense mechanism…shutting down and shutting up. It’s my go too reaction.
As I have received feedback and correction this month I have felt offended, betrayed, or hurt. Emotions I should not have felt because the heart behind it all was for my good and growth. But ain’t it funny how the enemy takes, what God intends for our good, and with his lies warps and twists it all around. So I distanced myself from my team and kept quiet. Until God began to show me His heart.
One of the youngest girls, here at the Cicrin orphanage we are staying at this month, was sitting on the steps crying. It absolutely killed me to hear that sweet baby crying. They all said she was in trouble, but I just couldn’t take it when she held those arms out to me. I went over and gathered her up in my arms and went to rocking her and soothing her. Within a few minutes her sobs were gone and she was at peace.
God showed me in that moment His heart for us as His children. That when we are hurt and crying, shut down and distant, He can’t stand it. He can’t stand our pain. He is so quick to run to us, take us in His arms when we reach out for Him, and comfort us. He holds us and dries our tears.
His whole purpose behind the correction and boundaries that He gives us in life is that He wants our hearts to look like His. That’s the beautiful thing about growing closer to Him, is that the closer you get the less you look like you, and the more you start to look like Him. It isn’t easy and it’s uncomfortable, but we weren’t called to comfortable, we were called to be like Christ. This is His true heartbeat behind it all. He breaks down walls, changes habits, and He brings you into the refuge of His wings, right up against His chest, and He lets you hear His heartbeat. The longer you stay right there listening, the sooner you realize that your heartbeat has changed to match His.
“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans? ?5:3-5? ?
