Every now and then I would take a few moments and look around. I was surrounded by about 300 people praising God with all they have. There was dancing, singing, kneeling, praying, and arms lifted high. No matter how loud you sang or yelled, you couldn’t even hear yourself. It was a beautiful sight, and it hit me hard. I found myself in tears singing praises to the One who created me. The basic statements that I’ve heard a thousand times before were hitting me like waves over and over again. I embraced these tears in awe of how amazing our Heavenly Father is.
The first few days brought out my spiritual brokenness. We asked the Lord to show us what we were holding on to, and I realized how much hurt and sadness there still was. I needed to extend forgiveness, get rid of shame, and find my worth in God. I minimize events that happen and stuff the feelings I’m having about a lot of things in my life. Training camp brought up a lot of those issues and feelings but I embraced them like no other. There was so much freedom when I finally admitted how hurt I was or how I still held on to so much. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing and the freedom it gives is unexplainable. It’s a weight lifted off of your shoulders and now I can truly love those people as they are.
A major part that allowed me to be honest with myself was the community I was surrounded by. They were broken too and they also admitted it. I found myself sharing years of feelings, hurt, shame, and sin with these people I met three days ago. But guess what, they loved me anyway. They walked through it with me and prayed alongside me. They showed me love when I was in tears, when I smelt horrible and haven’t taken a bucket shower yet, and when when I was confessing all of my junk to them. The devil tells us that we’re alone and should keep our sins hidden, but the more you share it the less sin has a hold on you. News flash, no one is perfect. We all have sin in our life and people won’t judge you when you admit it. I also realized I needed to forgive myself and let go of shame. It made a huge difference in my life already. God has already casted your sin as far as the east is from the west.
The phrase that was repeated over and over in my head this week was “You are my child and I love you.” These words broke me. The God that put each star in the sky and painted every sunset loves ME. He calls me His child and knows MY name. He keeps no record of wrongs and loves me the way I am. He completely forgives me for every sin I’ve knowingly committed and washes me white as snow. He is the one that provides for me and every good thing is from him. Doesn’t that just blow your mind and leave you left astounded? I know for me it does.
I encourage you to ask the Lord to show you where you need to forgive or what you need to let go of. He will show you, and then you can work on freedom from those things. Pray about confessing your sin to someone. You are not alone. You will not be judged. Other people also struggle with the same thing. There is so much freedom to be offered from our Lord and I pray you find it.
“Since your love got a hold of me, I’m a new creation, I’m forever changed”
Since Your Love by Brandon Hampton
