So this is my first post and probably my
last. My wife has way more mental energy than I do to sit down and type
a detailed account of what’s going on. I’m tired!
This has been so crazy. I don’t even know where to start.
I’ll
be the first to admit it. I have been spoiled in my life. I have never
dealt with a close death in my family, my parents have never been
divorced, I’ve never been abused, I’ve been surrounded by great people
who love me and my health has always been good. So I guess this is a
first for me.
As bad as this situation has hurt and as heavy as
it has made my heart, it has been a blessing. The Psalmist said in
Psalm 119:75, “In faithfulness you have afflicted me”. I’ll bet you
haven’t heard that passage preached often. God afflicts us because He
loves us. I know, it sounds crazy, but it’s so true. Job said, “When He
has tried me, I shall come out as gold”. I have to thank God for
choosing to afflict me. I have to embrace the affliction before it is
over. We have to take advantage of our trials and capitalize on them,
growing more into the image of Christ. These are the best opportunities
to grow closer to God. Knowing that and practicing that are two
different things and it’s not easy.
This is also a humbling
experience. In most any set of circumstances, I have the power to
change something. I can use money, persuasion, talent, strength and
many other things (that I don’t have a lot of!) to change the
situation. But this is different. This has completely brought me to my
knees. This is God saying, “You just think you control things”. It has
never been more apparent how utterly dependent upon God and His grace
we are. I have said throughout this situation that the last time I was
this dependent upon someone else was when I was in my mother’s womb.
This is totally out of our hands. It’s just a tough (and reassuring)
reminder that God is totally sovereign over the affairs of man and this
world. We only think that we control things. We have to have the
attitude of David when he said, “Let Him do to me what seems good to
Him” (2 Sam. 15:26). If God is omniscient then who am I as a frail,
fallen man to question His decisions for my life? There are multiple
illustrations that show we only see parts of the picture and God sees
the entirety of His perfect plan for us as individuals and the world as
a whole. This isn’t the first time that I wondered what God was up to
and the blueprint that I drew up for my life didn’t match up with
God’s. And thank God that they didn’t match up! He knows what is best
for His children and we’re learning that we must submit to our Heavenly
Father.
I can’t even comprehend all the implications this trial
will have on my spiritual growth. It seems that I see every Scripture
through a different lens now and I’ll never sing many worship songs the
same again. It’s like a bright light shines out of passages that I used
to just browse over. God is faithful to His children.
To all who
read this, your encouragement, support, love, and mostly prayers have
been invaluable to us. We are humbled by your Christ-like love and
selflessness. For those that are members of DBC (or should I say,
Church on the Hill), I can only think of the Acts church the way you
all have given to us. It is humbling to accept the help of others and
we have truly needed it.
Marissa and I have carried each other
through this as you all have carried us, and ultimately we all have
been carried by God. God has blessed us with a beautiful little boy and
we do not feel that this is unfair, but on the contrary, we feel
blessed.
As we are pushing through this dark valley at a slow,
heavy-paced trudge, we continually squint our eyes to see the light
that seems so far away. We know God will bring His children through and
there will be joy in the morning no matter what the outcome may be in
this situation.
Jonathan said to the young man who
carried his armor…”It may be that the LORD will work for us, for
nothing can hinder the LORD from saving by many or by few.” (1 Sam.
14:6)
