allowed me to play a small part in this story which I was honored to be
able to take part in. Read on and it will hopefully inspire you.
When I think about
what I’ve learned this year I sometimes think I keep learning the same
thing over and over. That’s when I start hearing the lies. You haven’t
learned ANYTHING, have you? You JUST now figured this out? You can’t
write that blog because that’s the same thing you wrote 3 months ago
and 3 months before that. But I don’t care. I know who I am in Christ,
and that I was not created with a spirit of fear. I’m God’s mouthpiece
and his chosen vessel. I will write with the same message every day if
that’s what He tells me to do. So here we go…
This
year has been a time of discovering who I am and most importantly who
I’m not. I’m not a quitter, a slave to sin, or a silent selfish
husband. I’m a chosen man of God, freed from the bondage of sin and
depression, passionately leading my wife to wherever our Savior leads.
If you would have asked me 2 days ago who I was, I wouldn’t have given
you the same answer. I would have given you a weak, unconfident answer,
hoping you wouldn’t ask who I really am. So where did the confidence come from? I’m so glad you asked.
I’ve
learned that many people live by a system that is structured on what is
perceived to be right or wrong or good or evil. I’ve been doing the
same thing, but how I describe it is easy or hard. I’m not sure exactly
when this habit started, but these 2 small words have become a huge
part of my vocabulary. What this has led to is me not doing things that
are hard and settling for doing easy things. Part of the reason I was
excited to be a part of The World Race is because I was tired of doing
the same things over and over and expecting different results. I heard
this quote when I was 16 years old, and I’ve never been able to get it
out of my head. It says, If you always do what you’ve always done, then
you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten. Seems pretty logical
right? Well I’ve been reminding myself of that quote for 9 years, and
I’ve finally decided to put it into practice.
There’s
something else you should know about me. I normally don’t have long
hair. If you’ve kept up with our blogs and watched our videos this
year, I’m sure you’ve noticed that I haven’t cut my hair. It’s actually
been about 1 whole year since my last haircut. I decided before we left
that I was going to grow my hair out as long as I could while we were
traveling, because I wanted to cut it off and donate it to an
organization that makes wigs for cancer patients. As you can imagine
having long hair has been quite an adjustment. You have to do something
with it, or wear a hat. Not to mention I shed more hair than any pet
I’ve ever owned. I tell you all that because it has been very tempting
to cut it all off, especially when it was so hot in Asia and Africa. I
just keep telling myself, I’ve made it this far, so I can keep going.
Let’s press pause here, and we’ll come back to the hair in a little bit.
The
past few days have been some of the hardest of the whole year for me.
I’ve just felt so miserable and defeated with no hope. I know that God
has rescued me from depression, and I believe that I have the
opportunity to choose the joy that only comes from Him. I feel like God
was saying all I had to do was step out and trust him, and He would
give me peace and joy. The only thing I could say was, but that step is
so far and it’s too hard. Saturday night I decided that I was going to
step out in faith and trust Him. I asked a few friends to pray for me,
and I immediately began to feel peace and comfort from the Spirit. I
was excited to be free and be different.
Sunday
afternoon the enemy hit me with a wrecking ball of I’m not even sure
what. I felt lower and worse than I have felt in as long as I can
remember. I told Erin how I was feeling and that I wanted to get rid of
those feelings. I wanted peace and joy. I wanted to be confident and be
willing to try hard things. After Erin spoke a little life into me and
told me who I was, she suggested that at dinner I should let every one
know what was going on. We’ve been living with 2 other teams this
month, and I really didn’t want to call everyone together and tell them
what I was feeling. I thought they would turn it in to some kind of pep
rally and make me scream who I was and crazy stuff like that. Erin knew
how not excited I was to go through with this so she said she would do
whatever she could to help me. She said she would even call everyone
together and all I had to do was tell them what was on my heart. I
jumped on her offer.
confessed to everyone how I was feeling. I told them how miserable and
frustrated I was. I told them how I’ve been living a life based on what
is hard or easy. I told them that I was giving all that up, and I
wanted to do things that I’ve never done before. I told them that I
couldn’t do it alone and that I needed their help. Lastly, I told them
that I was going to cut my hair off as a symbol of getting rid of the
junk that I’ve been carrying with me all year. Everyone encouraged me
and prayed over me. After dinner my brother Michael Schuerman said he
was going to shave his beard (he’s been growing it out for over 4
months). I said why are you shaving your beard? He said he was doing it
because he didn’t have any hair to cut and he wanted to support me. I
was pretty overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions already, and now
this. Wow!
So I’m a new man.
I’ve been free for awhile, but I’ve been carrying around these shackles
like a security blanket. So who am I? I’m a confident son of God! I’m a
new creation! I’m bold! I’m brave! I’M FREE!
