As most of you guys know I haven’t had much internet this month being in the Australian bush with the aboriginals. I told you in my last blog I would write my blogs down in my journal and then post them when I had some time. I know most would expect to hear and see all about what I’m doing in Australia, yet there was something that impacted me which far outweighs what I wanted to post first. I do have a blog coming right after this one which shows a lot of pictures and tells a lot about what I’ve been doing here in Wujal Wujal, Australia which I hope you enjoy. Yet I felt compelled to post my 1st journal entry of February for you guys to read. I think it’s important for you guys to know that when I post blogs from my journal, nothing is revised or edited. It’s just raw thoughts and feelings that are being expressed usually I’m talking to God. Thanks for reading I hope you enjoy. Please take time to click on the link and watch this video as well, it may change your life as it changed mine.
This was written on 2-3-2010……………………………………
I just finished watching the Mark Driscoll/Mars Hill Church video cast of “32hrs in Hati” and I am in tears.
Please click or cut and paste this link and watch it, it’s WORTH your time.
My heart is torn to shreds, there is no feeling right now to describe how I am feeling except maybe the word “devistated” much like the city and people of Haiti. A lot of me wants to leave the world race right now and fly to Haiti to help. I am such a waster of resources God. Even in supporting my own church I have not supported well. God your children in Haiti are walking miles in the rubble to go to a make shift church that is guarded by guys with guns. They meet in the 90 degree heat, not having a home to go back to just to praise and worship you.
There is a young man who is a pastor in Haiti (you will see him in the video) who teaches at a bible college. In a matter of seconds he lost his house, church, college, and wife…. ALL gone! Yet he smiles as he holds one of his 4 small boys and says “I smile still because my joy comes from the Lord”. I can’t imagine this. There is much I have to learn Lord and I pray you make it known to me quickly.
My heart is often selfish, it needs to be broken and be made new. My pride is often blinding, it needs to be crushed so I can see again. My sin causes deafness to fall on my ears, may it be destroyed in your name God so that I may hear your voice. The life I left back home often revolved around me. Sure I could put on a good “christian” front but at the end of the day it was often about how I benefitted. All the while I was thinking I could fool you God. The one person who knows every thought of my mind and desire of my heart. Why you did not take me from this earth then, could only mean that you loved me enough not to. I’m thankful for this. Forgive me Lord. I do not desire the things I once did. I only wish to do your will, to show your love, to be your hands and feet. I don’t count myself worthy to do these things but by your grace, the blood of your son Jesus , and the power of the Holy Spirit working within me. Please allow me to do your will while I’m still living on this earth God.
God should my hands and feet cease to be yours, should my eye’s become blind again to the things that brake your heart, should my ears become deaf once more to the cry’s of injustice and needs of your children, take my life Lord. If another need is presented at my feet in which I can help and I do not, if my hands and feet become bound by my own selfish desires take my life. I am of no use to you, if all I can think about is me. Keep me from becoming more like the old me and increase the person of Jesus your beloved Son inside of me. That my life can be an empty cup waiting daily to be filled up by your love to overflow to others around me.
I’m so blessed to be called your son.
