The other day I was working at Casa Jackson, the hospital for malnurished babies. I was holding Camille, and she was crying and fighting to escape my hand. I put her down in the crib, and she started crying louder. I picked her up again, and she continued to cry and wrestle away. I knew what she needed and wanted, to be held and loved, and planned to meet those needs and wants. But all she wanted to do was escape. God spoke to me through this.
God knows what I need, and He knows what I want. So often, however, all I want to do is escape His hand. It’s not always comfortable following God, and resting in His hand. Sometimes, He carries us through the refiners fire. It is painful, and in the midst of it, its hard to understand why we have to endure the trial. For me, there has been some trials recently, and all I wanted to do was escape. The safest place to be, however, is in God’s hand. God is chipping away at me, sculpting me into something greater. I need to learn to rest secure in the Sculptors hand, and trust that the outcome will be worth the trial.
God is teaching me how to love according to HIS definition. He is showing me love that is patient and kind, love that does not envy nor boast, love that is not proud. He is teaching me love that is not rude nor self-seeking, and love that is not easily angered. Love that keeps no record of wrongs. Love that rejoices with the truth. Love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. This is quite a process. These words have become weapons to me, whenever I find myself not loving in this way.
Another lesson learned from Casa Jackson, was that I need to be always relying on God for strength. Last time I worked there was extremely difficult. I was tired going into it, which proved to make things very difficult. When I am tired, patience is hard to come by. The babies were fussy and fighting and crying and sick and nothing seemed to stop them from crying. I was at the end of myself. Finally, I prayed. Even on mission, sometimes we forget that prayer needs to come first. Too often I wait to pray until I am at the end of myself. Anyways, I prayed for help. I prayed for the babies, that God would heal them and give them rest. Right after I prayed, one of the babies stopped crying.
God likes to remind us to rely on Him completely, and sometimes it takes brokenness to get our attention.
