Something’s going on… something different. Something VERY different… 
 
I was going through a fast food drive-thru a couple nights ago and talked to the girl at the window for just a few minutes… It wasn’t a long conversation, but enough time went by for me to find out that she was really excited to go home that day. Her dad had been in the hospital for 4 months with a lot of different health issues, and she said she would be able to see him once she got off work… I gave my usual response: “That’s so great that he’s coming home! I hope you have a great night with him!” blah blah blah… I left. But as soon as I pulled out, I started praying for two things: her dad… and boldness. I realized that I didn’t want to respond that way anymore… no, it’s not bad by any means, but I have an INCREDIBLE Someone inside me… Someone I’ve been keeping locked up for my own special purposes… Someone I discuss with other believers…  selfish, yes? 
 
I’m sick of it.
 
And I told the Lord I’m sick of it… 
 
I got back home and after about an hour, I began journaling… I wrote a lot of the stuff I just mentioned and said, “For as long as I’m alive, I have a voice… Death should be the only excuse for my silence. But, oh look, I’m not dead…  Jesus, I want people to know more about YOU when I speak… I want to be Your voice.”  
 
“Go back…”
 
WHAT!? I was literally lying in bed… yes, I’m such an 96 year old grandma (sleep = fun – remember that, kids)… It was close to 9:45, and the girl got off work at 10… I didn’t really have time to argue, so I wrote a quick note, got to the restaurant at 9:56, and pulled up to the window… I didn’t really know what to say, but I seriously felt the Lord pressing my heart to tell her how much He loves her… “What else, Lord? What else do I say?” That was it. 
 
“Hi *smile,* I was here earlier, and you were telling me about your dad… I just felt like I needed to come back and tell you that Jesus Christ loves you very much, and you’re precious to Him. I’ve been praying for your dad since I was here earlier, and I wanted to give this to you…” 
 
She started crying.
 
I said a little more after I handed her the note… and when I drove off, I could NOT stop the tears… 
 
Oh hey, passion! I didn’t see you there… I’m about to BURST. People are hurting… they need Him… He wants them… and He wants to use me? DANG. 
 
While I was at training camp, something happened… and it wasn’t a spiritual high. It was something permanent… I guess I can say truth “happened.” I’ve been asking the Holy Spirit to fill me. I’ve been asking the Lord for His heart… I want His passion to be mine…. And I want so much more of Him.
 
It doesn’t take Him very long to answer those requests…
 
And I realize that leaving the country doesn’t make me a missionary…  I’m not about to become one as soon as I step foot in Romania… I am one. Right now. For the first time in… uhh, probably forever, I could care less about my fears – my Father has things to do, and I need to stop getting in His way… It took me 22 years to realize this, but praise the LORD for His patience… 
 
Hello, freedom… Let’s hang out more often.