I left on the World Race on October 1st, It has been almost a month since then. God has been doing major work here, but unfortunately satan has too. It has been about 2 weeks since my last blog, but honestly I couldn’t think of what to say. Sure I could tell you about my time in the orphanage, or in the local dump or time ministering to people in the bar districts (more on that to come), and let me tell you I’ve tried. I have sat down many times and tried to write up a blog but nothing seems to come out, well nothing worth saying that is. The truth is I have been struggling. You see, back in August at training camp they had us let go of any expectations we had, so I was like “sure, here they are, take them!” Done and done, or so I thought. Unbeknownst to me I had a couple expectations laying around that I didn’t realize I had, one of those was change. I expected to come on the Race and be immediately changed. I wasn’t exactly sure what that change was supposed to look like, but it was change none the less. Well, to my surprise that change didn’t come, and when it didn’t come I didn’t know what to do. So I prayed.
Last night my team had feedback and I had decided to go into it totally closed off. I wasn’t going to share anything, I was just going to sit there and wait for it to end, but God had a different plan, and I am so thankful He did. As I sat there Both God and satan began to work. God was leading me to share, to just breakdown, to become completely venerable and let my team in. Satan on the other hand began to spread fear in me like a weed. Sprouting thoughts like, “Michael, what if they think less of you? What if they think you’re just being weak?” I was letting satan root those thoughts in me, I was letting them grow and start to consume me. But God is good, and He came like a wildfire cleansing me of what satan had tried to grow. Saying “Michael, I LOVE you, and I have put this team together. There is nothing you can’t share with them. You all are perfect together. I know what I’m doing, Trust me.” So I did, I opened up my mouth and began to share everything I felt. The loneliness, the hurt, that I have no idea what I’m doing, the thoughts that I’m not good enough, or that I’m letting God down, and that I felt afraid of myself messing up what God has. And then God spoke amazing things through the mouths of my team, amazing encouragement. Then we prayed together.
As we prayed God gave me a vision of my team as a Tsunami, an overwhelming force for the Holy Spirit, full of love, hope, freedom, and abundant life, crashing down into all the cities and towns of the countries God sends us, removing any and all holds satan has there. And that God loves us more than we know, and as long as we stay focused on Him, there is nothing that can go wrong.
One way ticket to the lion’s den
Got to go through the fire so I can come out again
Fight for my faith, live what I believe
Got to stand on my feet
And sing Oh I will sing
Jesus You’ve called me friend
Jesus You’ve made me what I am
Jesus You are my life within
Jesus You’ve called me friend
Yet in my weak frame
I’m calling on Your Name
Broke my heart with Your love
God I will love You the same
Forgiven oceans I am
Brought to my knees
The story of Your grace
It fills me with the theme
I will live by the light of the glory you shine on me
I will live by the grace that you offer so freely
Story of Grace – United Pursuit Band
