Last week, after sometime in the jungle, we arrived back in Managua at the “compound” – Fiemca’s headquarters/bible school. We were under the impression we were staying there for a week, so we preceded to nest and organize our stuff in the dorms. Yes – they have dorms. They even have showers, real toilets and sketchy internet! A dream come true. So that morning, during my quiet time, I started to pray for dedication to God and the Word. I prayed that our current conveniences wouldn’t distract me. I prayed that I would become desperate for God.
About 10 minutes later, our new contact showed up at the compound. She asked us if we were ready to go (in Spanish). We said yes. Then she asked, “Where are your bags?” (in Spanish) We replied with, “What bags?”
25 minutes later we arrived, with bags in hand, at our new home, a neighborhood church in the ghetto of Managua. Our new dorm was the floor of the church (which included new friends: lots of ants and an occasional rat), and free time consisted of not going outside the prison like, metal bars because of the risk of being shanked. Oh, and those lovely showers I mentioned? Traded in for a good ole bucket. “Well God,” I thought to myself, “you sure got your point across!” I was expecting Him to give me focus and intentionality. Nope. He picked me up by my shirt collar and dropped me in an entirely new environment short of most modern day conveniences. I apologized to my team right away. “This is all because of me,” I panted. “I shouldn’t have prayed for desperation!” They laughed.
So a few days later, a young girl from the church gave me a gift that broke my heart. She took the beaded headband from her head, and placed it on mine. I wanted to cry. That evening I thanked God for the girl, and for blessings in her life. Then I started to pray for the same selflessness she had shown me. Then I stopped. I took the prayer back immediately out of fear. If I prayed for selflessness, what was God going to do to me this time? Would He have someone “accidently” steal all of my belongings to teach me a lesson?? No way was I praying for selflessness. Uh uh.
Then the Book of Job popped into my head. Then the numbers “5” and “17” came to mind. Hmm…weird… “Is this from God?” I thought. “Or am I making this up?” To be sure, I turned to Job 5:17. It read/reads “Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.” Oh dear. God reacted to my “prayer” immediately. “God, I hear ya loud and clear!” Why had I been so fearful? Why hadn’t I trusted God and His plan for me? What was I really afraid of? God wants nothing but the best for me. His plan for my life is HUGE. Bigger than I could ever imagine. And all He asks of me is to love Him as my own father, and tell everyone I know that He is Lord. His instructions are clear: “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances… Do not put out the Spirit’s fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-21
So for the next few weeks, I’m going to really try to live out these verses. I’m going to try and take my fear and turn it into faith. That no matter what happens, whatever trials and tribulations I’m going through, God’s hand is all over it. He is there guiding me, whether I know it or not. He cares. And He loves me enough to walk through life with me and teach me tough lessons along the way. That’s love, people! Amen!
