The wild and lonely places of nature have always been a sanctuary for me. No matter how I feel or what I am experiencing the wide open spaces allow for my heart and mind to breathe. I am continuing to believe that my Father has created me in this adventurous way and I am grateful for the opportunities when I am able to steal away from the chaos of life and have my soul attended to by the Creator.
It was during such a moment that once again Holy Spirit took the opportunity to gently and quietly speak to the inadequacies of my fragile heart. It was the morning of our last day beneath the shadows of the Annapurna Range, and our month in Nepal had been picturesque. There was much that I was very thankful for pertaining to my team, our ministry and our beautiful location. Even though this was the case I had spent much of my time frustrated with my Father.
I wish this was not the case but I can honestly say that this emotion has come to define many parts of our relationship. As any loving Father would He allowed me to continue on with my frustrations and doubts and fears until I had reached a place of being willing and able to hear his voice. For the sake of brevity I will not attempt to rewrite what I already wrote while I was up in those beautiful mountains. Instead, let me share the raw and honest scribblings of a son listening to his Father.
There is a place for the doubts and fears and trepidation and frustration that plague your heart and mind. It is a place very fitting for such things. A place that I surveyed and pioneered on your behalf. A place I know very intimately because this place is my grave.
Just as you have set aside fears of not being forgiven or concern of not measuring up I am also asking you to lay down the doubts you have of my goodness and lovingkindness towards you. Child, there is no place for you to trust my salvation of your soul yet doubt my blessing of your life. If you choose to say that you are willing to surrender all that must include the lies and false concepts you have chosen to believe about me.
Only a fool continues to believe a lie after being exposed to the truth and you are no fool. You have believed much Truth about me and that Truth has served you very well thus far but with it you have adopted ideas about me that are keeping you from so much. Try as you might these ideas are no more able to fit into your life than the doubting of my Salvation and Grace.
You have chosen to believe lies about how I see you, what I have for you and the attitude my heart takes towards you. My son, you have believed in what I have done to save your soul but have done very little to trust in who I am to love your heart. I am showing you now that you cannot accept my redemption and yet refuse my love.
There is nothing pious or worthy about attempting to live in the midst of misery and frustration. It leads only to heartache and I have created you for more than that. For far too long you have been desperately trying to be satisfied with half measures and portions of myself. If you are asking yourself why you have had such difficulty loving and knowing me, this is the reason. I refuse to let know me in part. I do not give my heart in pieces and I do not hide myself to tease you.
Follow my lead and plunge into the realms of my love that you have hoped for in the night but have yet to truly explore in the daylight. You have quietly and obediently accepted the difficult parts of being in relation with me. Now it is time for more and I will lead you to the blessings and wonder of being loved by me.
It is to hear things such as this that I continue to seek out those wild and lonely places.
Until next time…
MB
