Pride is one of those things that I feel totally disgusted with and when I come to
realize that I have been operating out of it, I feel so fed up with myself.
It is something that I don’t want to write about because I have to admit my faults.
Plus on top of it all, people often remark how I operate in humility (so… more sand
to the wound)… But here it goes.
Upon arriving to Haiti and starting ministry I started to feel disappointed with what
surrounded me. I started to think that the people that surrounded me aren’t like
the people who I have been surrounded with at my church back at home. On top of
that, after the first couple days of ministry I started to get frustrated with what I
saw as ineffectiveness of the ministry we were doing. I started to compare the
ministry we were doing with my past mission’s experiences with missions.me (a
missions organization I have been on three trips with). My previous experience with
missions has been incredible and highly structured. My team and I would spend 3-5
months preparing dances, skits, dramas and testimonies to be done when we went
out in the streets or schools. These trips are where I witnessed Jesus work through
me to heal people physically, emotionally and spiritually in an instant for the first
time. Every trip left me in awe of God and how He was and is moving. These trips
had seeds that were sown 2 years in advance and I had been a part of the team
that got to participate in the harvest of those seeds. I was extremely blessed and
saw so much of God’s glory.
However, in my current position in Haiti, month one of the World Race, I
was comparing these past experiences to my current situation and I was becoming
full of it. I talked with my brother the first week and I remember telling him that I
felt like I could do everything. I felt like it was so under-rated and I felt alone. I felt
like no one around me had seen God move in the ways that I had and I was highly
discouraged by the lack of vision that I perceived people to have (all lies). I was
FULL of pride. I began to see this manifest in my ministry that week, I saw myself
get disconnected and just wait for someone on the team to fill certain shoes that I
was so “over”. I had started with such vigor and felt so alive but once pride started
to take over I felt myself withdraw.
Just about this time, the Lord so gently started to convict me of the pride I
had allowed to creep in. He started to show me how it blinds me and makes me
ineffective.
“The Lord detests all the proud of heart.” -Proverbs 16: 5
“Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with
people of low position. Do not think you are superior.” –Romans 12:16
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.”
-1 Corinthians 1:13
He reminded me of humility and how “without humility you will not be able to see
very well. Those who refuse to operate with humility will suffer much from the hand
of the enemy (the enemy uses pride as one of his most powerful weapons and
advancing in pride makes you vulnerable to attacks from the enemy)” (Joyner).
This made sense and I began to rebuke the pride I had let in. I started to ask God
to slay all the pride in my life.
Since this, God has been opening my eyes to see just how much He is
working around me. For one, this past week I have been able to see just how
incredible the people on my team are. I have had the privilege of hearing each one
of their testimonies and let me tell you, these people are L-E-G-I-T, they have such
powerful stories and are on fire for God. Each one of them is immensely gifted and
I have so much to learn from each one of them. Their passion and hunger for Jesus
is colossal and I feel extremely blessed to get the opportunity to interact and to
know each one of them.
Secondly, ministry has been so so so good. Last week the Holy Spirit lead us to this
new community that our ministry hosts had no idea or intention of knowing
(literally, we were supposed to be doing construction work that day). On this day,
we climbed off the bus to find people of the community surrounding us in
excitement and expectancy. Since then, we have visited them again and have
started to build relationships with them. We have also been able to visit several
other communities and have had over 10 people give their lives to Christ. Today we
were out in the community and started to talk with this one girl sitting at the edge
of her property. Then as we were talking this man came up (I think it was her dad)
and started to not be okay with what we were speaking. He told us that he has 10
kids and goes to the local witch doctor (and Voodoo) to tell him what is wrong with
them. We then told Him that Jesus has the power to heal. He invited us into his
home and we got to pray over his home and some of his family that was there. His
wife had back pain and we prayed healing over her in the almighty name of Jesus
and we asked her if it felt different and she said a little, we prayed again and she
placed her hand on her back and after we prayed again she was healed!! THANK
YOU JESUS!!! We had to leave, but are planning on going back there next week (if
you want to pray for them that would be amazing! I am believing that they come to
know Jesus and are set free from all Voodoo in Jesus name). Jesus is so good and
is constantly moving, we just have to open our eyes and look for Him.
God is so good. I am so thankful for Him revealing things in my life that need to
come into the light so that I may grow closer in relationship with Him. I still have
moments where I feel pride creeping in and have to purposefully turn the other
way. But I know that I can overcome it by His almighty power, the same power
that:
~ Created light, the sky, land and sea, vegetation, sun and the moon, birds and sea
life, and the animals (Genesis 1: 3-25)
~ Created human beings in the image of God (Genesis 1: 26-27
~ Turned the Nile River into blood (Exodus 7: 20-21)
~ Turned all the dust in Egypt to Gnats (Exodus 8: 17)
~ Split the Red Sea (Exodus 14: 21-22)
~ Instantly restored a paralyzed man’s ability to walk (Mark 2: 11-12)
~ Calms the storm (Mark 4: 39)
~ Multiplies 5 loaves and 2 fish to feed 5+ thousand (John 6: 11)
~ Instantly heals a blind man (John 9:7)
~ Rose Jesus from the grave (Luke 24: 1-12)
Thank you for taking the time to read this and for all your support. I truly
appreciate your willingness to support and encourage me and I hope that
something I have written resonates with you and propels you closer to the lover of
your soul. If you have any comments or questions please leave them below.
Live loved,
Micaela
