I know that I struggle with perfectionism. I have from a very young age and at times, defiantly still do. However, something shifted in me this last year… and now if/when I hear something along the lines of or alluding to “that is because your perfect” it feels like a high voltage slap to the face.
Why?
To me, this is an indication that I haven’t represented myself wholly and truthfully. I haven’t been vulnerable enough to share where I am struggling and in return makes me not fully seen and known. I believe everyone wants to be seen and known. I know I do.
After 13 months of vulnerability on @theworldrace and truly feeling like the people around me saw me and knew me, it feels stifling to elude vulnerability. Nevertheless, I do at seemingly every opportunity I can.
Why?
It is straight up terrifying.
It is terrifying to let another into your humanness and give breath to the possibility of them rejecting you. But you know what? I think its worth the risk. I can say with confidence that when I have let others into my mess and imperfectness I begin to move forward. My most recent example of this took place a couple months ago. I was re-entering into my home and community after 13 months of travel. In that time of re-entry I faced the worst depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts that I have ever faced. I kept on a smile to the public but behind closed doors I was dying. One day as I was barely getting enough motivation to get out of bed I felt Jesus prompt me to tell the people who love me what was really going on. Reluctantly, I told my people and that was the turning point toward freedom.
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” -James 5:16
Notice the second part of this verse is to pray for each other so healing can come. Confessing your struggle is not for judgement or condemnation to come upon you. I almost didn’t include this verse because I didn’t want to associate the word sin to struggle because I think that we often immediately insert condemnation with sin… however, sin is anything that disagrees with God and WE ALL DO IT! (see Ecclesiastes 7:20… there is “no one who does what is right and never sins”.) Not one is exempt so lets quit acting like it and quit hiding behind fear of condemnation and start sharing our sins and struggles. After all: “vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage” (@BreneBrown).
Do you know what the only red letters (or words spoken by Jesus) was in all 13 chapters of 2 Corinthians?…
“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
As you move forward with your life, I hope you ponder this concept. I hope you have the courage to be vulnerable with where you really are to those surrounding you. Not just so that you can be fully seen, known and loved but also because your story “has the power to change someone else.” @JordanLeeDooley
