This is probably one of the hardest blog post to write, to date.
So, yes I am back in the States. Back in Georgia.
Not my decision, but a decision that needed to be made.
This is by far, one of the hardest things I’ve had to push through. But when I said ‘ YES’ to God last year for this year- I knew there were going to be some challenges. This is just one of them.
So by God’s Amazing Grace, I was able to get AMAZING health care and treatment in South Africa! Gosh, the people there were so God Sent! However; I was not able to continue on with my squad to Ghana and had to temporarily come home to work out some medical and insurance issues!
Coming back home was and still is very difficult for me.
What do you do when God throws a detour in life? In plans you know for certain he has given you.
When God says, wait…..
There are moments where I find myself just staring aimlessly at the wall, playing every minute over and over again. Questioning God. Trying to figure out, why. Crying. Getting upset. Quoting scriptures. Journaling. Praying. Drowning myself with social media. The struggle is REAL! It’s HARD! Some days I FIGHT back and declare Gods promises over my life.
Then there are other moments when my thoughts are empty and the only words I can formulate are music lyrics that become my words and my hearts cry.
My thoughts are not your thoughts
My ways are not your ways…..
Isaiah 55:8
My team leader told me early during one month, “It’s okay to wrestle with God, you just can’t sit there.”
So I am wrestling.
I am waiting.
I do not understand.
I’m pushing through.
……And that’s okay!
In the realm of ‘ Christianity,’ people force you to believe that being frustrated and sad, wrestling with the Lord and having feelings is an ABOMINATION and it goes against your ‘FAITH’ and in GOD! So not true! God is my Father. My Friend. He knows! It’s what you do with those emotions and feelings, that ultimately matter!! God gave us emotions & feelings for a reason. He has planted desires in our hearts for a reason. God tells us not IF but WHEN trails come! He knew life would throw us some curve balls. Jesus wept when his best friend ( John the Baptist) was beheaded….Jesus KNEW pain!
Feelings are welcomed, God can totally handle them and he knows what to do with them; however; they should not DICTATE your posture before the Lord. Before Jesus was crucified, he went up to the mountain to pray and asked God to take this cup from him…Jesus wrestled with his own Father… BUT, He took it to the father, laid them there and the Father gently reminded him that He has work to do and his WILL will be done. Jesus trusted His Father! Another biblical example comes from The Apostle Paul ( 2 Corinthians). Paul asked God to remove a thorn that was in his flesh ( it caused him so much pain, I’m sure!) – and we technically don’t know what the ‘thorn’ was ( well I don’t). Maybe his thorn was a disease, or maybe he literally had a thorn in his side, but for relatable reasons * insert a painful something here *. Paul wrestled with God, He asked God 3 times to remove the thorn, God did not do it but later in the chapter, you see what Paul did. He boasted in his infirmities because He KNEW HIS GOD! Paul tells us that he will boast in his infirmities because when he ( Paul) is weak, that’s when the Perfect God is strong; therefore making him ( Paul) strong!! I feel that Paul teaches us that it’s okay to ‘feel’ it’s okay to ‘wrestle’ but once you have done that, you refocus your eyes back to our Father because he NEVER waste pain, difficulties or hardships. He uses them for His Glory. God did just that.. he USED Pauls pain.
Need more….
Jacob wrestled with God ( Genesis 32:33)
David poured his whole heart to God.. Good and Bad. ( All of Psalm)
So friends & family, what do you do when you see that God has put a detour in life? When he has you in a season of waiting. When your Faith is literally being tested and God is pruning things out of your heart?
You wrestle, but don’t sit there.
You surrender.
You give it to Him and allow Him to collect your tears.
You drown out all the noise and fight to hear the only voice that matters.
You Rejoice!
You cry.
You worship.
You boast even though you’re in pain.
You surround yourself with like-minded believers.
You change your posture and your thoughts.
You just BE and let God do the rest.
You allow God to use it for his Glory!
I know that God has a plan and I know what He spoke to me. Even though I may not see it, I know God is working behind the scenes. That’s FAITH. It wouldn’t be Faith if I saw it. Even though it is HARD and I just don’t understand.. I choose to FIGHT and Trust the Lord!
I am in anticipation because God has NEVER been unfaithful to me. Even when I am faithless. I am excited to return back to the field.. soon!
Be still before the Lord
and wait patiently for him.
Psalm 37:7
My prayer is to be able to return back to my squad in Togo this month. I really miss them! I ask that you pray for me and with me. I am close, but I am still working somethings out. IF God lays it on your heart to partner with me and or help me get back to the mission field, please let me know! ( please email me or text me personally!) I also have cashapp $Meyuna! Or you can donate on my go fund me page (click here)! All donations will go towards my plane ticket!
Let God’s will be done! I am not giving up, because God has not given up on me!!!
As always, thank you guys for rocking with me during this journey!
Xoxo
MeMe
