I’m writing this blog in the sunshine of Barcelona, Spain – a place a couple of years ago I never even wanted to come to. “Latinos are my people” I would have told you. “Europe’s too developed and modern for me. I’ll probably never even go to Europe.”
Wanna make God laugh, tell him your plans, right?
I’m not entirely sure what started this dream. Maybe it was a desire to know the origination of the culture I love, maybe it was hearing about this leadership development program in the south that seemed to encompass all the things I ever wanted in Christian community, maybe it’s that I’ve had the privilege to go to nine Central and South American countries and wanting to see variation of that culture on a different continent. Maybe it’s a combination of all of that, but somewhere along the way I found this little hope taking route and now I’m here. But here’s the thing, God didn’t tell me to go to Spain – I asked him to be here.
I remember sitting in my hammock in South Africa praying about the next step after my World Race , knowing South America was coming up, and just going, “God, I want to go to Spain. I have no money. Can I go?“ And deep in my spirit I felt,
You can go.
I about fell out of my hammock. I journaled about it, of course, but I kind of tucked away until the next month in Swaziland when I was fasting reading the Bible (you can read all about that HERE). I was laying on a slide looking up at the broadest expanse of stars I’ve ever seen and I felt him say “dream with me.” I went as big as I could think,
“U.N.?”
[Cue an uneasy “Ehhhhh…. not so much” feeling. Next try.]
Spain?
[Enormous adrenaline rush.]
Whoa. Ok. But what would I do there? G42? (Aforementioned leadership program I’ve loved since my junior year of college)
You don’t need it.
What? Um… wow. Ok. Thanks, God. But what would I do then? Teach English?
[Huge rush of peace.]
“But where do I start?”
Spainabroad.
And that was it. Wow. That’s helpful. So I’m in Swaziland with 15 minutes of Wi-Fi about every two weeks. Next time I get to go into town I Google the word “Spainabroad” and found this blog that compared the four major programs to teach English in Spain. One clearly stood out, I applied, got accepted, then begin to freak out that maybe I actually didn’t want to teach English after all. I told God:
“I’m not sure I want to do this… Maybe I’d rather au pair or get a job, but I don’t want to teach.“
The program got back to me within a week that they didn’t have a place for me.
The funny thing was I didn’t take that as an answer to prayer. I just thought things were falling apart and I freaked out (sound familiar to anyone?) (Read the blog about it HERE.)
I’ll spare you the details, but in the trying-not-to-freak out, I knew Spain was still where I needed to go and I had been seeing signs for it everywhere – even a teammate who sat up at 1 am saying “Mer, You need to go to Spain” and telling me about a vision she had about me being here.
So accelerating the story a little bit, the dialogue becomes:
Where in Spain? Spain’s huge!
[Nothing.]
“Well, ok… were do I wanna be? Well, I wanna be where a Hillsong is.”
[There are two: Madrid and Barcelona.]
“Madrid seems too business-ey. Plus there’s more ways to serve at the church in Barcelona. Let’s go there.”
“Teaching English seems too scary. I think I’d rather au pair. Can I au pair?”
[I start seriously pursuing a few families and hear:]
“Don’t make an Ishmael out of my Isaac.”
[I fast all Spain research for a week.]
He dramatically shuts all open doors (cue previously mentioned freak out) and leaves me coming back to my au pair search later with a message – waiting for me – from the perfect family. They have three girls, live in the city, I could have my own room and bathroom, they provide all my public transportation, the girls have had many au pairs so they speak perfect English, I’m just here to be a big sister to them. I have days off, I get paid, they live in the mountains, the train I live next to goes right in front of the Grad school I want to go to… it’s perfect. This is where I am and I start my masters degree here in September. How amazing is that?
Now Mer, the title of this blog is and you’ve only mentioned Spain. Will you get on with it? What’s this about Disney world and Puerto Rico?
When I was still on the Race I was offered to lead a mission trip I really wanted to be a part of. It was after all the Spain confirmation had happened, but still a really good thing that I really wanted. I decided to pursue Spain (after much agonizing) but it was really hard decision for me. Before I left to come here I found myself praying:
God, I really wanna lead mission trips – and not just once, I want this to be a thing throughout my life, ok?
24 hours later there’s a post by one of my friends on Facebook saying, “anyone interested in leading mission trips for the summer? All you have to do is speak Spanish.”
I didn’t even think about asking Him if it could be in Latin America. He’s just that kind.
Plus, I’ve been in Spain for about 3 months now. My tourist visa is up. I have to go back and surrender my passport to the embassy for my student visa and I can’t leave the country.
Puerto Rico is an American territory.
So I leave my beautiful new home next week to lead mission trips in Puerto Rico while I wait on my visa – and the job pays – how cool is that??
To sum up, the Disney World story is one of my deepest metaphors for my walk with God right now. At my first World Race training camp one of the speakers asked some dads what a perfect day with their daughter at Disney would be. Some of them said; “I would have the whole day planned out, get the fast passes, know the best places to eat and when the lines for which rides would be the shortest, we’d do the whole park and it would be amazing!” But one of the dads said, “I’d just blindfold her and drive to Disney World. I’d take her to the front gate, pull the blindfold off, take her hand, and let her go wherever she wanted. Whatever made her happy would make me happy because we’d be together.”
That is my season with the Father right now. He’s taken me to the park. Everything here is good. I’ve got His hand. I’m here with Him! If I run to a ride and decide it’s too scary and change my mind, it’s not disobedience, it’s a generous and gentle and graceful Father that says, “that’s ok! Let’s go try this one. You’ll love this.”
So, first of all, God can speak in all kinds of ways. I think we limit Him far too often by brushing off ways He speaks to us because it doesn’t look or sound like what we expect it to look or sound like. (Not just in my story, check the Bible: a cloud, fire, a plant, a plant on fire, a donkey, and other people are just a few examples of ways He chose to talk to people.) But secondly, so much of us spend our lives slamming our face into “I don’t know what God’s will is for my life. I don’t know what to do.” But if you’re walking with Him, sometimes He’s right there saying, “you’re with Me. I’m right here. What do you want to do? Let’s do it together.”
What’s the passion in your heart right now?? What’s the thing that itches in your soul but that doesn’t feel like it could ever be reality?? We all know the scripture that says, “trust in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” – but what if He put those desires in your heart in the first place? What if they’re actually His desires for you?? What could your life look like? He’s a good Father and gives good gifts to His children. Ask Him.
