Thankfully this isn’t a question many people have asked me, but one I’m sure a lot of you have wondered. I’ve gotten many iterations of: “Weren’t you about to do this race thing?” “Did you travel around the world yet?” “What about all the support you raised?” And even something along the lines of “I used to see blogs from you all the time (read: too much) and now I haven’t seen one in months. Is everything ok?”
Answers in a nutshell: yes I am ok, better than ever actually. Yes I am still doing the race (59 days in case you were wondering). Yes I am still ECSTATIC – but probably now with a much more realistic and accurate sense of expectation and level of seriousness and intentionality this will require. If you’re still at a bit of a loss as to where I am and how I got here, catch THIS blog for the story of why I didn’t leave when I planned and THIS blog for how I got to where I am now – Nazareth, Pennsylvania.
So this leaves the biggest question: what on earth have you been DOING for the past 11 months and why haven’t you written anything??
On September 7th, the day I was originally planning to launch for the World Race, I packed up my car and began the move to Nazareth. This has been a season of detox – of rest from all the insanity I’ve filled my life with from work, school, friends, and never taking a moment to breathe. This has also been a season of depth and growth, of pressing into my Savior, being poured into by mentors, and spiritual formation and rewiring. There have been a lot of things the Lord has wanted to do in my heart that I haven’t given him the time or space to do. And a lot of healing from a season of chaos and pain. The thing about soul work is that it’s messy and not very pretty. It’s hard to see through it enough to write about in the process. (Plus while I’ve loved every minute in the Lehigh Valley, Nazareth, Pennsylvania and babysitting all day aren’t exactly catalysts for riveting blogs.)
During college I ran from God. I couldn’t understand how a good God could allow all the poverty and heartbreak I’d seen in Brazil and I ran. Really far. I finally came to the end of my running and applied for the Race, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t have bruises and deep woundedness from the running I had done. When a shepherd finds a sheep that has run away he breaks one of its legs and puts it on his shoulders until the leg heals. The shepherd carries it until it’s better – all the while the lamb is learning to hear the shepherds voice. Breaking it’s leg isn’t punishment, it’s the only way to make the stubborn, runaway sheep sit still long enough for the shepherd to do what he needs to do. Once the leg heals the lamb never runs again because of the bonding and attachment it shared being around the shepherd’s neck. And because it has learned unmistakably the sound of his master’s voice. I am the sheep. Enter Pennsylvania.
So I’ve lived here in this gorgeous state with my second family for, ironically, 11 months now. learned a lot of things here… I’ve gone through some healing and deep detox and restoration and re-energizing. I’ve learned a little more how to rest, how to seek His face, how to love well and be loved well, a better picture of who He created me to be, but most of all I know Him a little better now. I had been serving this slapdash, haphazard, color-by-number version of God that was a patchwork of legalistic “to-do’s” and a fear of failure. In PA He’s shown me more of his nature… A glimpse of His heart. So everything that doesn’t comply with that picture has to fall away. What in my mind should have been punishment for my decisions has instead been a beautiful season of grace and rewiring… And a further picture into the shepherds heart.
2 more days and I leave this place. 2 days and I move back to Atlanta, meet my squad at Training Camp, and figure out how I’m gonna find a job for 5 weeks until I leave October 2. There’s a lot of tension and mixed emotions about leaving this place. This has been the best year of my life – and I’m not even on the race yet. I’ve never been more ready than I am now, and I’m a long way from ready.
I leave you with this song, which has really been the anthem of my time here. If you know it, you’ll love hearing it again. If you don’t know it, it’s worth a listen.
