Training Camp-
The Breakdown:
It was hot. It was so messy. I spent a good part of the first few days wondering, what the heck am I doing here? I felt as if everyone around me was a spiritual Goliath compared to my shaky, and undoubtedly wavering faith. I learned very quickly that this week was not about comfort. In fact, the point of training camp was to completely shove you out of your comfort zone, kicking and screaming. The first morning that I woke up after getting there, I was laying on my sleeping pad, sweating at 6am, and choking back tears when I realized I still had 6 more days of this thing. How was I going to get through it?
I was so agitated and so miserable the first few days; I was oblivious to what God was doing around me. I spoke to a few people, maybe even engaged them in conversation, but all I could think about was how unusable and how messed up my heart was. I listened to the lectures, ate the horrible food (yes, horrible) and just as I was about to call it quits, something happened. I broke the law. I mean the GA state law. It was the third day and a few people decided to walk down to the waterfall located on the campus. I went, thinking it couldn’t be too bad to get away from the camp for a while. Also, I hadn’t showered that day (some hadn’t showered at all, yuck) and the HEAT was so heavy and a little water couldn’t hurt. I jumped in the “protected area”, and swam out as far as I could until I was right underneath the falls. Their “red Georgia clay” left my hands stained red. I felt the water beat down on me, in a heavy steady flow. I couldn’t help but start to laugh.
As I floated on my back, I looked up at the top of the falls right where it ran over the edge of the cliff and in that moment I realized how beautiful it was. Lately, when I thought about God’s creation, all I could see was the evil, the hurt, and the loss, SO MUCH LOSS, all around me. But there it was, right in front of me, completely beautiful and completely created by God. I was breaking a state law and breaking the chains around my heart at the same time.
The rest of the week was difficult, but no longer unbearable. I felt my heart soften to the others around me. I discovered more everyday about myself as a human and myself as something that is capable of healing. I was someone that God loved even if I was a messy disaster. I was not alone in feeling inadequate in my walk with God. Many others felt the same way. All of us struggled with something. The Lord was never far away. I was put on a team with 6 other amazing people. I met so many others that encouraged me everyday and showed me the love of Christ. It is overwhelming the love you can feel for someone that you just met. I left the last day, still sweating and hungry, but full of hope and finally willing to serve the Lord.
My Team, Team GENESIS (Left to right, Lindsey, Alex P, Ben, Alex R, Joseph, and Me)
So who was the showdown between?
-Me and The Master of Lies,
-Me and the desire to just quit and go back to my old life.
But God is faithful. He always is. On the flight home, this song came on my ipod. I hadn’t heard it in a long while, and these words seemed to be a perfect answer to prayer.
God says,
“Well, My love is over, it's underneath
It’s inside, it's in between
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace
The times you're hurting
The times that you heal
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame
I'm there through your heartache
I'm there in the storm
My love I will keep you, by My power alone
I don't care where you fall, where you have been

I'll never forsake you, My love never ends
It never ends."
The entire squad! I SQUAD!
