India was hard. Sometimes, it seemed impossible. From the outside looking in, our team had it pretty good this month. We were living in an actual apartment with a kitchen, American toilets, and beds off the ground. We were given free reign with our time, what we wanted to do within the ministry, and where we wanted to serve. We even were within 5 minutes walking distance to a small grocery store! Heavens!
But here was the problem. I came into India expecting a whole different type of ministry. I wanted to go out into the villages, heal people, spend time with families for home visits, cast out demons, eat on the floor, shower outside-THAT is what I wanted. Instead, our team and another all girls team were assigned the task of ministering to a group of homes specifically developed for special needs kids. These were all kids who had been abandoned because of their disabilities.
There would be no villages for me. Just kids. Kids. I like kids, ok? I don’t mind them. But after walking into the gates the first day, I broke down in tears, actual TEARS for the children there. I tried to prepare myself before going, taking into account that by India’s standards, these children were living in great homes with attention and care they would have never received from the government. But nothing could have prepared me for what I saw, the children I saw, and the overwhelming amount of reality that slapped me in my face.
It was so much to take in. My mind started to wander off, focusing on other things in order to cope with the challenges this month. I thought about home, I thought about Elon and what my friends were doing, I thought about life after the race, I thought about the past 6 months that I wouldn’t get back. The people I won’t ever see again. I spent a good 3 days in bed, my heart heavy from all of the things I couldn’t control. This had never happened to me before on the race. I had always loved my ministry. Even the hard ones! I had never wanted to give up! WHAT WAS HAPPENING?
Life. Life was happening. Reality was happening. You know, you get to a point on the World Race where you think you’ve seen it all. You’ve done the impossible, you seen the impossible. You know how to shower in a bucket, or not at all. You know how to travel, you know how to pack, and you know how to eat PB&J’s for three days. But every now and then, you will see one thing that reminds you that YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING. For me, it was a room full of children lying on the ground because they couldn’t move. It was the smells, the sadness, the knowledge that so many would die so early and would never experience things we take for granted all the time. Like walking. Like running. Growing up. Seeing the ocean.
God used this month as a reality check. Why was I here? What did I want from this? How was I letting God use me? How was I going to overcome all of this? A friend reminded me one night to “take heart.” It is such a small phrase, such a simple saying taken from John 16. And I was reminded in that moment that I wasn’t going to overcome, because HE has already overcome the world. So that is what I am learning…how to take heart. How to keep fighting, keep loving, keep preaching until this season is over and I move on to the next one…but not yet. I still have work to do, and I plan on doing it.
“In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
