I’m laying down in a hotel room in Mississippi with my mom freaking out because she doesn’t like any of the clothes she picked out to bring with her this weekend whilst trying to come up with a great way to start this blog. And I got nothin’…so that’s why I started out this blog like this.
Why are you in Mississippi right now?
Well, my family and I decided to have a mini family vacation before launch. So, we flew down to Atlanta at 6 am yesterday (yes…6 am…), got there at around 8 am, got a rental and drove down through Alabama and reached our hotel in Mississippi at around 5:00 pm, went to sleep and didn’t wake up until around 6:45 this morning. (woohoo! lol)
We are going to The Ramp to see some close friends that are like family that is a part of Eddie James Ministry tonight and tomorrow, and I’m so excited! Saturday we are driving to Atlanta to spend more time together…and then Sunday launch begins. Next Wednesday I fly out to India with T-Squad.
Craziness. Pure craziness.
*Disclaimer* Through out this blog you will see random pictures of my friends, family and me. <3
I’m feeling and have felt so many emotions this past week, that it’s been unreal. But I am so thankful to actually FEEL these emotions instead of trying to fake them.
I realized a few months ago, I was numb to a lot of different things and that I was faking a lot of emotions. When I realized this, I spent so many prayer times with God begging to have all my emotions back. It was around that time, I stopped watching tons of TV shows, movies, etc. It’s when I got more serious about my relationship with God.
And those prayers worked. He heard my cry!
But it took me being healed from things that have hurt me in the past, getting over my shame issues and allowing God in the most vulnerable parts of my heart.
I’ve felt emotions really truly from the depths of my soul. There has been no laugh, no tear shed, no burst of emotion that has been scripted at all this past week. Everything has been genuine, and I love it. Even when feeling the pain of saying goodbye-I am so thankful for that feeling. I am so so thankful!!!
I became so great at acting out emotions, it was ridiculous. And I think it had a lot to do with how much I watched TV. TV shows and movies “show you” when to feel a certain emotion, how you should act when something happens and so on and so forth. So when I would get put in a certain situation, I would have a voice in my head say, “Okay now you should smile” or “Now you should look sad” or “Now you should laugh” and so on and so forth. It was so scripted, it was ridiculous. And I grew to hate it, and I knew that was the Holy Spirit convicting me.
If you are struggling with feeling numb, CRY out to God and HE WILL ANSWER and HE WILL HEAL YOU!
Psalm 30:2
O Lord my God, I cried to You and You have healed me.
I went to Kings Island (an epic Amusement Park) this past Monday with three girls who are close to me like sisters. And through out the whole day, I experienced so much genuine joy because I was having a blast and true sadness because I was going to miss them. What’s crazy is, I was so thankful to God for being able to feel both emotions.
When the park was closing, and as we were leaving, the began playing “Dare You To Move” by Switchfoot. I began to ball my eyes out. God has used that song to minister to me since I was a pre-teen and has used it to give me the courage to keep on going. The fact that it played while we were leaving the park was definitely planned by design and I felt His love so strong. It was amazing and beautiful.
So-this is my prayer for myself while on the race: I pray I feel every emotion, no matter how difficult it is to feel. I pray that I won’t shut down when I experience something difficult. I pray that I encourage others to embrace every emotion.
God is a God full of pure emotions and wishes that we are full of them to.
Not fake, scripted feelings.
I’m going to miss all of my friends and family so very much. I love them more than I can express in words.
So, Pre-Race Meraia…I hope you can say that you embraced every emotion and experienced everything that came your way as Jesus intends you to.
I love you all. Thank you for reading.
*Also* Please be praying for everyone who is getting ready to launch and their families. Pray for peace to flood our hearts.
And, to my friends and family-I love you all so much. You know who you are!
Sincerely,
Meraia <3
