Okay, so. I don’t even know where to even begin this blog, but I’ve had a huge desire to write one since yesterday, so here it goes.
This week has been crazy. This month has been crazy and it is definitely something I did not personally expect. I expected hardships on the race, I expected personality conflicts, I expected homesickness, I expected it to not be easy…but I also expected it to be wonderful, a learning experience, a year for growth and adventure.
And, you know what…? All of those expectations have been fulfilled, and month one isn’t even finished yet. However, many of them were fulfilled in ways I simply DID NOT EXPECT.
Before I even got on the plane, I battled thoughts of wanting to just stay in my comfort. My parents were still in Georgia, I didn’t have to go through with this, and yada yada yada. The feelings were so strong and overwhelming, but the still small voice of God still encouraged me and still cheered me on. He reminded me of all the words He gave to me about coming and reminded me that He would never leave me or forsake me.
I knew I was going to battle homesickness…just not before I even got to my first country.
In one city we were in, I felt sick. I felt homesick. I felt exhausted and dehydrated. I felt miserable. The rooms we were in were hotter than outside, which says A LOT…and it was hard for me to maintain a heart of gratitude. I had to literally fight for it. Because of all those emotions, it made it hard for me to be open with my team mates. But Jesus was still there, keeping me calm when the waters around me were raging.
I expected hardships, but not in that way, that soon.
These past three weeks I have been fighting to be the Meraia God created and I feel like I’ve allowed myself be put in a box. Back home, I can click with almost anyone. I’m not afraid to go up and talk to people. I’m open and more bold. Here, I’ve been struggling with the temptation to people please and to just stay quiet because I feel like people see me as a cute little kitten that is just too innocent. I have to fight to connect with people. If I shine innocence, it’s because of Jesus. But I am not just a cute cuddly kitten. And I get so frustrated because I know my identity and I hate letting fear stopping me from walking in it…so…I’m striving to be walking out who I am just as I did back home. I don’t want to be a coward like I used to be.
Like I said, I expected hardships. But not the same ones I had before that I thought I had already dealt with.
And, I thought that my team was the dream team. And then there was a big blow up I did not see coming that just sort of left me in shock. No way I could ever expect the blow up to happen. It was just like an atomic bomb that blindsided me.
I expected personality conflicts….just not this.
But on the flip side, I have grown so much. And I have grown because of the hardships, because of the blow ups, because of the homesickness and I didn’t expect things like that to grow me.
I have experienced adventure in ways I didn’t expect. Like sitting in a college dorm room with several Indian girls talking about their struggles and life in general and sharing the gospel with them…or riding a train through out India or visiting Golconda fort. Sitting in a house in the slums singing my heart to Jesus and worshipping with awesome people. Or enjoying an adventure on a Auto to find Starbucks.
Even though so many rough things have happened, I can say with an honest heart, I have truly enjoyed this month. It had many plot twists, but that makes it an adventure. Anytime the devil tried to kill, steal and destroy, Jesus was there to turn everything around and to bring life to every situation. Some things fell apart, and that is okay. Some times things have to fall apart for something better to be built.
I love God. I love India. I love my squad. I love my team mates. I have grown so much. I’ve been challenged, and it’s been hard…but I am glad. I am glad it’s been challenging. I’m excited for the next ten months, and I want to continue to allow God to have the pen to write my story because He writes the best stories with the most awesome plot twists even if they don’t seem awesome at the time.
I love you all!
-Meraia
