Proverbs 22:15 “Young people are prone to foolishness and fads; the cure comes through tough-minded discipline.”
So. Much. Truth.
Jesus has had so much patience with me. I don’t think anyone will ever truly understand that. I would still be so blind.
When I think of how I used to think when I was a teenager, especially in my later teens, I feel so sad. I didn’t treat Jesus like a real person. I treated Jesus more like a…what’s a good word? Maybe I thought of Jesus as more like a genie…or a golden ticket.
As a matter of fact, I know that most Christians view Jesus that way. And that’s sad, and my heart breaks for them, because well…I was them.
And quite honestly, sometimes I still find that mindset trying to creep back in. It’s so easy to do, especially in a country that offers you everything your heart desires….so you can be “you”…so you can be “comfortable”…so you can be in “control.”
Even in the CHURCH!!!
Yes, God is a good God that wants His kids blessed. I mean, He’s our Father, of course He wants to see His kids happy. But…it seems His kids aren’t really interested in making their Dad happy. They don’t even see God as their Dad. They see Him…and His precious son, who died for us…giving every part of Himself up for US…as a golden ticket genie.
“If you do this…God will bless you WITH THIS!”
“If you follow the ten commandments, you will be blessed with an AWESOME JOB!”
“If you prophecy….YOU WILL HAVE THE GREATEST GIFT!”
“If you shove religion…uh, I mean…if you lead someone to JESUS…you’re a SUPER CHRISTIAN!!!”
“If you jump extra high in Praise and Worship and have a serious constipation look on your face….you will be exalted high above others.”
“If you pray a really good prayer in front of your friends…and show off your expansive religious vocabulary….Angels will be in awe and doors will open for you every where you go.”
“If you follow all of these, brag about your virginity and how you’ve NEVER dated…YOU WILL WIN A HUSBAND/WIFE THAT WILL WORSHIP YOUR FEET!”
Okay…so maybe I exaggerated some of those…but I did that to prove a point. Are we trying to be a Christian because we have been radically changed by Jesus, this man who literally was perfect…who was tempted and did not sin….who was the most selfless human being to ever walk this Earth, or, are we saying this to milk out what ever blessings we can get?
I read a book called, and it was either “Not a Fan” by Kyle Idleman or “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan about a year and a half ago and it rocked my world. The author asked that when you thought about Heaven…what did you imagine? What were you most excited about? And then He talked about if it’s about the mansions…the gold…your wildest dreams come to life…then you’re just thinking about you. Your wants. Your dream land. If you could be content in Heaven with out Jesus…you’re missing it. Ouch.
Now, I think it’s great that we’re promised those different things in the Bible. But the Bible also says, that we’ll be singing “Holy, Holy, Holy” at the sight of Him. At the sight of Jesus. Jesus is who gives Heaven LIGHT! God is what makes Heaven so Holy, and it’s only because of JESUS that you get to GO!
I’d love to tell you guys, that I was more excited about meeting Jesus, but the truth is, I was more excited for Heaven’s bonuses. And how sad is that? My heart hurts even thinking about how I used to think. Jesus, thank you so, so much for not squishing me like a bug. Because that is what I honestly deserved.
For a while, I wasn’t serving Jesus because of being in love with Him. I seriously even doubt that I was saved during that time. I was such a PROFESSIONAL actress, guys!!! I WAS A PRO. It’s no wonder I’m so good at acting on a stage! I had LOADS of practice!
My main goal was to get a husband. Now, I’m not shoving off the blame and putting it on the church, but honestly, that’s what I got out of some different teachers/preachers. “Because you love Jesus…YOU WILL GET A HUSBAND…because of your purity…YOU WILL GET A HUSBAND….”…and so on and so forth. Now, I probably misunderstood them, and saw it in a self-seeking lens.
But..why, oh why, did no one ever teach on the scripture!?!
Matthew 19:11-12
“But Jesus said, ‘Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone. Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked-or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you’re capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.'”
Okay, during that time, I hardly ever…ever…read the Bible. So, I had no clue that was in there…but why did almost everyone seem to say everyone was ready for marriage? That it’s the ultimate prize for all young, single Christians? Why is it that it seems to be the “to go to” prophecy for Christians when they are giving a word to someone?
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO thankful that I always got rejected by anyone I might have been interested in. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO thankful that anyone that I was interested in never asked me out.
I would’ve destroyed them with my selfishness and my issues. I was so self-righteous. I still don’t feel like I’m remotely close to being ready for marriage. (And well I can’t date because of the contract I signed anyways, so, yeah! aha) And I have finally, FINALLY, thank you JESUS, came to terms with if I never get married, I will be okay. I will survive. The one person that I’ve craved, even with out me realizing it, is Jesus. He is the perfect person that will protect and correct my heart. And for most of my life, I treated Him like a mystical genie here to grant my every beck and call with out revering Him and thanking Him for saving my life from HELL!
The thought that I, Miss Angel girl, could ever go to Hell NEVER…and I mean NEVER crossed my mind. I had no fear of God. I know I would have been the person begging for Jesus to let me into Heaven saying, “But I was nice to this person in your name!…” but totally missing out on loving Him. I wish people really knew how dark and evil my heart was. It was filled with self-pleasing motives…it is disturbing thinking about it now that I’m older.
I know that I’m still young. I know I will have to go through more discipline. But just thinking of how I was when I was a teenager…heck, even 20…which was only about 3 years ago now….just leaves me in shock. And it honestly, I promise all of you, has nothing to do with me AT ALL. Jesus saved me. Jesus did this. He chased me down, broke me free of myself…and I did not deserve it at all. I’m still trying to process His grace.
Take anything else…but not Jesus. He is the only person that has truly loved me when He should have hated me because He is the only one that was able to see into my heart. I can’t trade Him for the world. I just can’t. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. I would be on my way straight to Hell proclaiming a righteous life when my heart was far from Him. And that’s the truth.
Thank you JESUS for your DISCIPLINE! It is HARD, it HURTS, but it SAVES!
Love you guys!
-Meraia
(P.S. Sorry if this blog was sporadic…that’s how my mind is….so…yeah…:p)
