Hello everyone!
Tonight is my last night staying in Malaysia because tomorrow night we head to the airport to begin our travel to not only another country, but another continent-Africa.
We have been in Asia for five months.
That also means we are getting ready to be in our sixth month….that our precious squad leaders are leaving to go back home….and that we are about halfway done with the World Race.
So many changes.
Usually, my final blog on a country is filled with details and pictures about what had happened during the month ministry wise and fun wise. This blog is going to be a tad different. I will write an actual recap blog soon, I just truly felt like this was more important to share.
This blog is going to be more personal and a testimony to God’s sovereignty and goodness. He is so much more than what we do “ministry” wise in a month and more than our “good deeds…” He is far more interested in the matters of the heart than our actions.
Actions are nothing if our motives aren’t right.
Are we acting out of love or fear? Selflessness or selfishness?
We can do the something GOOD with out the RIGHT motive. One thing can be done by two different people, and one person can have pure motives and the other person can have selfish motives.
I type all of that to say….God has completely wrecked my heart this month in the best ways possible.
At the beginning of the month when we had our first team leader meeting at debrief, we were asked what we wanted to walk more in during this new season of life and how we feel about stepping into team leading. I had said that I am a “good” intimidated about team leading and that I wanted to walk in more humility. I had not remembered I had said that until today, in our LDW team meeting.
My squad leader wrote down what everyone had said at the beginning of the month. We got asked today how this month was.
God definitely delivered.
Team leading is one of the most humbling experiences I have ever had in my life. This past month has been one of the most challenging months on the Race for me. And, I put most of that on myself. I was trying so hard these past few weeks to figure out how to be a good team leader, how to provide for my team and make everyone feel welcome. And, that’s all good and fine…but I was doing it out of my fleshly strength.
In other words….I failed…a lot.
I carried a lot of self made burdens. I was distracted by different things. God began doing a lot of crazy things in my heart like stripping away a lot of different things. He began challenging me if I am truly putting my whole life in His hands, even if He calls me to do something crazier after the race. To trust Him with finances. To trust Him with my family and friends back home. To trust Him to show me how to team lead.
It was hard. Everything was hard. Going through that process was HARD.
There were many times I just felt so tired spiritually, emotionally and physically that my soul just wanted to go home. I felt like I kept making petty mistakes. I started feeling extremely homesick due to the holiday season. I felt like I was not fit for being a team leader. I was just feeling all the negative things.
God is so good though and He gave me endurance and He taught me how to persevere through all of the crazy emotions that were flooding me 24/7. His joy was literally my only strength.
Today, one of my squad mates did a squad activity and it was a funeral for our “I can not’s” and our “I am not’s.” It was SO powerful. I wrote down all of the things I felt like I was not good at or felt like I couldn’t do.
Most of those thoughts I battled with a lot this month and/or my whole life. I looked over at my friend’s paper, and I read her “I can’t’s” and her “I am not’s” and it literally broke my heart. All of those things were COMPLETE lies! I couldn’t believe she was battling with those thoughts! I broke down in tears because I felt so much hurt for my friend. I looked at her, and told her those were lies and not true AT ALL!
After that moment, tears kept flooding. My heart was hurting thinking about all the lies the enemy sends to plague us with the intentions of keeping us bound. It broke and is still breaking my heart!
And then I realized…”My goodness…I am doing the same thing to God. I’m accepting lies when He has shown me TRUTH!”
This whole past month I listened to all the things I couldn’t do and all the things I thought that I was not. I leaned on my own strength and understanding more than the Lord’s and it DRAINED me.
Last night, I came to LDW weary and in need of rest. This morning, I released my fears of team leading and decided the Lord would teach me how to lead in His way. I buried the lies restricting me from being released fully in the identity the Lord gave me. And now, in this moment, I feel so rested.
Guys, ONLY God can do this! ONLY God can take such a tangible burden away like that! IT’S NOT HUMANLY POSSIBLE!
He humbled me this month. He taught me how to seek Him even more. He showed me how to trust in Him more.
And the coolest thing? He is doing that within just about all of my squad mate’s hearts. Testimony after testimony today was about how The Lord was teaching them how to trust in Him more and depend on Him more.
He is literally a good Father. It’s not just a catchy Christian song. It’s TRUE!
(Fun fact: After I typed that, the song “Good Father” by Housefires came on shuffle on iTunes.)
The spirit of prophecy is the testimony of Jesus Christ. (Revelations 19:10)
I pray that this testimony prophesies the absolutely amazing and incredible gospel of Jesus Christ. If He can do this with me and with my squad, He can do it WITH YOU! We were not designed to figure out everything on our own, WE NEED HIS GUIDING HAND! We fail when we try to do this life on our own! It’s too big of a burden for us to bare….it weighs us down so much we feel like death spiritually.
I beg you, TRUST IN GOD! He will call you to walk through hard and painful things, but the joy that comes after that is INCREDIBLE! HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH! I promise He can redeem anything, He can do miracles in your soul and He can give you REST! He is so, so, so good!!!!!
He makes all things possible for those that believe in Him. So, I dare you…believe.
With Love,
Meraia
