It was day 4 of my second training camp and I had the thought, “Maybe I should just get in my car and start for home”… I had an outer and inner ear infection, sleep was hard to come by, and I felt like dead weight, both literally and to my squad. I was also unable to complete my hike with my team (a necessary requirement for the world race). I had talked to my Momma on the way to the pharmacy from Urgent Care and she asked me, “Baby, do you think you’ll be able to do this right now?” and I honestly didn’t have an answer for her.
That night, during worship, I sat on the floor and cried as I heard the words “Faithful, You are. Faithful, forever You will be” rang loud around me and I just cried.
“I don’t understand, God. I worked so hard to get here. Now to get here and be completely stripped of that confidence because my body is stinking right now, I’m terrified.”
I prayed that He would give me peace and my bible fell open to Jeremiah 31, fell right open to a verse that makes my heart beat a little faster and my spirit feel a little lighter.
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness..I will build you up again.. You will go out in joy.”
“God I need you to help me..” I cried out.
Instantly, I found the arms of squad mate over me, and her sweet prayers washed over me with a flood of gratitude and peace. A few minutes later, another squad mate came over, wrapped his arms around me and worshipped with me and prayed over me. He said exactly what I needed to hear, exactly what I prayed God to show me, to validate in me.
“God, you hear me!! You hear me and you’re pouring out your faithfulness over me now, just as you’ve been taking care of me all week, just as you have all this year!! How could I doubt you!?”
I heard a small whisper, “I’m always faithful, always good, sometimes you’re just too busy to see or hear it.”
So I started to pay attention, started to slow down and listen. And when I did, I heard Him. I saw Him. God showed me laughing with squad mates as I completed my fitness hike. God showed me being lifted up by someone. God showed me a sunrise. He told me that I’d see the sun rise just like third day after Jesus’ death.
On the day of my fitness hike, I found 4 of my male squad mates waiting for me at the van that would take us to camp to hike. One of them had his pack on his back, “if you’re carrying yours, I’m carrying mine”. On the ride over, we watched the sun rise over the mountains. During my hike, we made jokes and laughed! I cry laughed when I finished early!
The day I committed the next year of my life to the World Race, I ran to a teammate who lifted me in the air and hugged me as I gave the most honorable “yes” thus far in my 25 years of living.
I went out in joy, just as He promised.
Sometimes we get caught up in our checklists and our to-do lists and we forget to see His sovereignty above all. I was worrying myself something stupid over not being able to check off my hike from the list when really God was just asking me to put my eyes where they belonged! Take my eyes off of the lists, and put them on Him!
So y’all, where ya lookin? Pick those eyes up and rest in His goodness!
Faithful He is! Faithful, forever, He will be!
PS! You may not have noticed but the “Donate” button is no longer available! Why is that? Because I am FULLY FUNDED!!! Praise!!!!! If you still feel led to give: please use PayPal([email protected]), Venmo(Melissa-Vereen) or snail mail options! (You can also check out my squadmates profiles!) y’all rock! Thank you for making this all possible.
