There are days on the race (in life, too, for my non Racer readers) that everything just stinks. That day was yesterday.
Let me preface this by saying that everything about this month is wonderful. We have gracious, helpful hosts who are some of the kindest people you’ll ever meet. We have running hot water, and a full kitchen! Ministry was unfolding nicely and we were getting into a groove as a team. As far as WR lingo goes, we living a dream-yall!
But just because you have your ducks in a row doesn’t mean that bullseye the enemy has on your back gets smaller, ya hear? Because it doesn’t. To be honest, for me, it probably makes my target bigger. It gets bigger because my armor isn’t always on. (Ephesians 6)
My armor hasn’t been on the last few days. I’m not on my A game when life gets cozy. My quiet time, of however long I need it or however long God talks to me, dwindles to a “Meh! When it happens, it happens…”. My prayer game becomes mediocre at best, leaving it for bed time and falling asleep sometime in the middle….
So when I woke up Wednesday in a funk, I didn’t think much of it. I just got on up and went on with my morning, ignoring that something was distinctly off and not right. That morning we were given time to spend time with the Lord and take care of stuff. I took care of business. But then later life got real, and the enemy was right there ready to feed it all.
It seemed like everything went down the tubes rather quickly.
I remembered the nightmare that jolted me away the night before, a vivid dream that left me breathless and full of fear
I received some devastating news after devastating news.
That night we were hosted for dinner at a friend from church’s house. As they drove us over to their home, I cried as a country song played over the speakers. I knew, as Keith Urban drummed and guitars his way through the air, I was not okay. I felt like I had the weight of the world laying on my chest, burdened with things I didn’t know how to carry. How do you carry the grief of babies dying from the cold in refugee camps, that your dear friends attempted CPR on to save? How do you shake the dream of your love one passing that just felt so real? How do you carry the burden of feeling like a burden?
I felt like I had been walking at the top of a mountain and rolled/fell/ate dirt/hurtled down into the valley.
I walked into their home with the heaviest of hearts. But you better believe, God met me there. I got to watch Him rally.
The hosts, following dinner and lemon squares, asked how they could pray for us in that moment. They asked us what was heavy on our hearts. It was the first time I shared how I was feeling, and if I’m honest I don’t know that I would have had they not asked. Upon returning home, my team rallied around me, laid their hands on me and prayed big bold prayers of freedom from all that weight I was carrying. They were helping me carry my burdens.
The next morning, our team devotional was about God’s pursuit of our hearts and our pursuit of Him back. I clearly wasn’t in full pursuit but God was chasing after me, ready to take all of what I was carrying…
“O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.”
??Psalms? ?63:1-8? ?
I had grown faint without Him, but His hand was there for my taking.
So! Wherever you’re walking, be it a mountain or a trench, know God’s hand is for the taking! Let Him rally around you and remind you of all the goodness that lies exactly where you’re standing. Whatcha waiting on?!
“May her hands be too busy holding your blessings to pick up burdens…”
