I have known for a few months now that God has been stirring my heart to share some of my journey regarding singleness. Sometimes I wish this part of my life were more hidden and altogether none existent. I wish this was not a constant struggle of mine. I wish I could say that traveling the world has exonerated all desires concerning men and the desire for marriage.
Honestly, if you would have asked me 10 years ago where I would be today, I would have never thought that I would be far from home, single, and living out of a backpack! Ha! Oh, no, I thought I would be married with a house full of children.
But, the Lord really knows best!
Who would ever guess that one of the hardest decisions I made last year (actually going on the World Race) would be the road to my recovery?!
Who would ever guess that I would find so much joy?!
Who would ever guess that I would be living in so much freedom now?!
And I’m still single. Who would ever guess…
You see, when God healed me earlier this year, He healed me completely. And I have been walking in that freedom for more than half of my race now, and I can’t believe how my relationship with the Lord has changed.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
I trust God that He is good – no matter if I remain single or if I marry.
I can look at my “brothers-in-Christ” with a whole new perspective – not just to marry one of them, but to lead them more fully towards the Kingdom.
I can look at Jesus and say, “This is my beloved and this is my friend!” (Song of Solomon 5:16)
So, men, I apologize.
*I apologize for desiring your attention above the attention of Jesus.
*I apologize for expecting unconditional love when that only comes from Jesus.
*I apologize for using my body to distract you from the one who created my body.
*I apologize for equating marriage with having a “perfect life.” That life doesn’t exist outside of heaven.
I apologize and I make this promise:
Before I ever lead a man into my heart, into my life, or even into my bedroom – my first desire will be to lead him to the Cross!
Yes, Lord, let my life – whether single or married – lead others to the Cross.
This is what I desire now.
Melissa
“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”
Proverbs 31:25-26
“O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, ‘Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.’ Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.”
A.W. Tozer
