If I were honest, I would say I never really considered myself a beautiful woman – by the world’s standards at least. Looking in the mirror, I sometimes only see my flaws. But, I still want to be beautiful. I still want men to find me attractive. I still want to be more than what I see.
And while I’ve been on this journey, sometimes it’s hard to feel beautiful when you shower every couple of days, you haven’t worn make-up for weeks, and you’ve been wearing the same five shirts for the last five months! Ha!
Also, I am reminded that I now live in an “Instagram World” where it is so easy to hide my flaws – just change the filter and add a little saturation to fill in the parts I don’t like about myself.
Who wants to see the real me, anyway?!
Jesus.
Yeah, He wants to see the real us. He wants to see the real me. I sometimes wish I could hide behind my “Spiritual Instagram” page and only show Him my “good side” with that specific filter – not allowing Him to see my sinful, selfish side. Because that’s not beautiful!
But, Lord, I cannot hide from You! Oh, no! There is no filter that can hide my sinful nature to You. And You don’t want me to! You look at me – filterless and all – and You are patient and kind with where I am and who I’m becoming!
And you know what? I don’t want to hide behind a filter any more – physically or spiritually!
So in regards to my insecurity and in regards to this social media world, I have recently asked God these following questions:
-Is it possible to be beautiful and to not flaunt that beauty?
-Is it possible to be beautiful and modest at the same time?
-Is it possible to be beautiful and not use this beauty to hurt men?
In these questions and in my surrender, I have learned that my beauty is not only the external that people see or even what I see. The Lord has been asking me to go deeper and He’s been reminding of this truth:
“For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” – I Samuel 16:7b
And the Lord gently reminds me:
-You are beautiful and it’s because You bear my image!
-You are beautiful and your lifestyle of modesty shows the world My holiness!
-You are beautiful and you can encourage men to see the Creator behind the creation!
Honestly, I still don’t have it all figured out, but I do know that God is changing my definition of beauty. I want to believe His truth of who I really am in this world and to purposely live in that freedom!
So here’s my prayer:
“Lord, I don’t want to be distracted by the world and the lust of it – it deceives and it leaves its followers empty. Help me to stop looking at ‘temporal things’ and even ‘temporal people.’ The only thing I can say about my life now is knowing ‘Jesus Christ and Him crucified.’ I am learning that my ‘real beauty’ is found in being redeemed by my Creator. Maybe no one will ever look at me and think or say I’m beautiful, but God, who do You say that I am? You are ever calling out to me, repeating these words to my soul over and over again: ’Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful!’ (Song of Solomon 4:1) Help me believe this truth and let me help others see their worth and their beauty too!”
So here I am – no filters to hide my physical appearance and no filters to hide my spiritual nature. God has redeemed every part of me and I’m found beautiful in His sight because of what Christ has done!
May you find beauty in your own redemption! Live in that freedom!
Much love, & Your servant, Lord.
Melissa
