Flexibility. Flexibility, my friends! If there is one thing on this race that I have learned is the ability to be flexible in ALL situations. And most of you who know me would say that I don’t like being flexible. I want to know the plans and I want to stick to the plans. But gone are the days (at least this year) where I know what’s coming or what to expect.
Unfortunately, I still have expectations for my life on the race. I may not always know what’s coming up next, but I know what I would like to see happen with my team, my time of ministry, and my physical abilities for each month. I’ve learned to be flexible this year, but the rigid me still makes an appearance every now and then. It definitely showed up this past month.
I would be lying if I said I’ve enjoyed every moment of my time here in Spain and my time here on the Camino. And I feel guilty for saying that because, my goodness, I’m in Spain for crying out loud! I should be joyful! I should be thankful! I should be more, what’s the word? Oh, yeah – flexible!
But, I’ll be honest, I’ve struggled. I’ve struggled physically this month. And when you live so closely with your team, it’s a challenge to hide your emotions and your struggles. What would they say if they knew the real me – the angry, jealous, insecure me? Would they still want me on their team? Would they still want to be my friend? Will they think I’m a failure for not being able to keep up physically?
And then God questioned me: “Why do you want to impress them?” “Why are you so concerned with what other people think?” “Why don’t you ask me what I desire for you this month?”
Okay, God. I’m listening.
I want to walk the Camino the way You want me to walk the Camino. Maybe that means I don’t walk as many miles as my teammates. Maybe that means resting a few extra days. Maybe that means letting go of my personal expectations.
Overall, I have been praying about what God is trying to teach me this month and I feel like He’s asking me to be vulnerable with you, myself, and my team.
So here’s a few personal journal entries of my past two weeks. If anything, I hope it shows you that “real life” still happens on the World Race. I still make mistakes. I’m still imperfect. I’m still learning. But I hope I’m still allowing God to teach me and grow me and forgive me!
10-14-2018
“Well, day one completed! 13 miles down – 187 miles to go! Ha! I’m just going to take it one day at a time – one step at a time. Me on the Camino? Who would ever imagine that? Lord, give us all strength and endurance these next two weeks. We are ultimately here for You!”
10-15-2018
“Well, I have a huge blister on my toe because we walked almost 20 miles today – we thought we only had to walk 13. Whoops!”
10-18-2018
“Exactly one year ago I was at Training Camp – having no idea what was in store for me then and not knowing what this new year would hold. Wow! I am no longer the same woman I was last year. Praise the Lord! I now understand that I had to let go of my family, my friends, my home, my car, my job, my church, my past – all because He wanted to fill me with more of Himself!”
10-19-2018
“Well, today has been the hardest day for me – not physically but emotionally. Community living is hard and making decisions as a team is hard. I’m not really seeing the point behind all of this.”
10-20-2018
“God, I want to be adventurous, I want to have fun, I want the team to be unified, I want to enjoy Spain, I want to share the truth, I want to honor You. But it’s impossible to have it all, right? God, help me! I’m pondering the path of my feet! Which way do I go?”
10-21-2018
“Today was terrible. I was angry and I couldn’t hide it. Dang it!”
10-23-2018
“I feel like I’ve disappointed myself, my team, and ultimately the Lord.”
10-23-2018
“You know I’m having a hard day if I’m writing in my journal again…God why are You so silent? What is Your will in all of this? What are you trying to teach me?
10-24-2018
“This Camino walkin’ ain’t all bad. But, it’s hard. It has taken me by surprise, but I guess God’s not surprised at that, right? He wants me to go through hard things. My flesh – literally my sore muscles – are screaming, ‘No!’ But all the while God is whispering, ‘Yes! Yes, my child! This is what I had planned for you. Rely on Me for I am your strength. You can do nothing apart from Me. And when you find Me that’s when you’ll find true joy and contentment. So, keep walking. I am there beside you. You are never alone…’”
10-25-2018
“Andrea and I bused again today. My leg was really hurting and we thought it would be wise to rest together and then finish strong. This is not exactly how I saw myself on the Camino, but this is reality. I’m trying to find the good in the hard. And honestly, I’m not here to impress anyone. The Lord is more concerned with my character (my attitude and the way I love others) than He is with how many miles I’ve walked. What’s the point of walking physically if I’m missing out on what He is trying to teach me spiritually? And perhaps this journey has been hard for me physically because God wanted to challenge me in new ways spiritually. Am I willing to listen? Am I willing to surrender? Am I willing to obey? Oh, God, show me the way…”
10-26-2018
“We are officially done with the Camino! I know this has been a difficult journey for me to walk, but it has been a joyful journey for some of my teammates. So I will rejoice in that! Because when my brothers or sisters in Christ celebrate victories, I want to celebrate with them!”
So the question remains: Am I a bitter person because of this year, because of this month? Or is God refining me through the joys and trials (or trails) of this year and this past month? Maybe it’s not how many miles I walk that counts, but it’s the fact that I’m willing to climb any mountain that God places in front of me.
Honestly, I may stumble as I walk towards You, Lord, but I will keep climbing and keep climbing and keep climbing if that’s what You ask of me – today or until I meet You in heaven one day. Don’t just make me a “better person,” make me more like Christ!
You are El Camino (You are The Way)!
Your servant,
Melissa
Proverbs 4:25-27
“Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.
Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure.
Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil.”
Welcome to the Camino! Just follow the yellow arrows…
Just look at this view! Wow!
We loved all of the little towns we traveled through.
We stayed in places called “Albergues!”
On my first day of walking – it was so cold! So what do you do when you don’t have gloves? You use socks instead! 😉
Some of my “Camino Buddies!” So thankful for the laughter and the encouragement (especially walking up steep inclines and down rocky declines)!
We met Lisa from Colorado. She was hilarious!
My team saying goodbye to Spain and heading to our last country – Morocco!
