I spoke those words over this year. I sat down on January 7, 2017 on a cruise ship and prayed about this upcoming year. I prayed for what God had in store for me, though at the time I didn’t know it was the race. I hadn’t even decided to apply at that point. Through prayer and reading scripture and listening for what God had to say, it led me to 2 Tim. 1:7.
7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
2 Tim 1:7 NLT
My goal for this year was to do the things that scare me. To challenge the voices that tell me I can’t and listen to the one that says I can. I am reflecting back on these first few weeks of my time here in Guatemala, and I have to say that I think I am living up to my goal. Here is my post that I made on Instagram in January.
Now let me tell you what the past few weeks of my life have been like. On Tuesday, October 6th, I grabbed my 2 backpacks and hopped in the car at 7:00 in the morning with 3 of my friends and headed for the airport. I had bought a one-way ticket to Atlanta and it was finally time to go. I knew that the moment I stepped through security that I was leaving behind everything I knew and loved for this calling God had placed on my life. I cried, not just as we prayed and said goodbyes, but throughout both of my flights that day. I knew leaving would take me being bold in my faith, because leaving behind everything I’ve ever known and loved is not easy. My confidence in leaving rested in the knowledge that God had called me to go. Of that I was 100% certain, or at least I thought so at the time.
The days leading up to actually flying to Guatemala were a blur. It seemed like I was in a haze of disbelief that it was actually happening. I had been praying about The World Race for years. I had asked for others to pray about it for me for years. Now it was finally here and it seemed surreal. I got on the plane on October 10th and flew into what is going to be the greatest adventure of my life so far.
Since being here, I have continued to live by the words I spoke back in January. I have tried to be brave, and bold. I have definitely done things that scare me. I have had really raw, honest conversations with some of the people I live with, which is super hard for me. I do not let my guard down easily. By having those conversations, I am staring fear in the face every time and boldly going forward with confidence. I have roasted marshmallows over an active volcano and had the opportunity to pray for one of the people who work in the gift shop there. (Yes, there is a gift shop at the top of an active volcano. I may have picked up something for my buy-a-box from there.)
I have jumped off the back of a chicken bus on the side of the highway. I have been squished into said chicken bus with 80 of my closest Guatemalan friends on my morning commute to ministry. (My personal bubble has been so violated that I may never recover!) I have ridden in the back of a pick-up. For those of you who don’t know, I was thrown from the bed of a pick-up when I was 16 and was run over. I still have a scar on my chin from that accident. So riding in the back of a truck is a big deal for me. I have prayed for people. I have given my testimony to a room of around 80 women who only speak Spanish. Thank God for translators! I have jumped off a 30 foot high platform into Lake Atitlan, which is surrounded by 3 volcanos.
I had no idea when I wrote that post back in January what I was asking God for, but I’m so glad I did. I have been pushed to the point of breaking so many times this year, and even more since being here in Guatemala. This has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. Not the ministry… I actually love what we have been doing. (Stay tuned for a more detailed explanation of what we have actually been able to accomplish this month.) But life in community as intense as this has been so difficult. We have been thrown into community with people who we didn’t choose. I know that sounds harsh but hear me out. At home, you get to know people and decide what kind of relationship you want to have with them. We did not get that choice. We were placed together not by who we got along with best, but who would cause us to grow the most and who would make the best team. We are living, working, eating, sleeping and everything else with one another every day. We are not allowed to go out by ourselves, so finding alone time while basically being around each other constantly is tricky. Learning how to live together hasn’t been easy. We are learning how to love our teammates well by learning what not to do. It has taken boldness and bravery on all of our parts to continue to fight for the community that we know we can become.
Since writing that post in January, I have traveled to France with 2 of my best friends.
I have applied for and gotten accepted for The World Race. I have quit smoking. I passed the fitness hike at training camp. I have followed God’s voice leading me away from the community I love so well. I have left home for the first time since my first semester of college. I have scuba dived.
I have left the country with the intention of not returning for the next 11 months. This year I have lived boldly! I have bravely faced fears long rooted in my soul, and it has been absolutely worth it.
I pray that for the last 2 months of this year I continue to live these words. That when I get scared or feel like giving up, I remember what I so fervently wanted in January. I pray that this lifestyle carries on into the next year, too. I had no idea then where I would be now. If you had told me, I wouldn’t have believed you. I am so glad that God surprised me and radically changed my life this year. I love learning how to live a life void of fear! Please pray that I continue to be brave. Pray that I continue to be bold. Not only in my actions, but in the faith that has given me the strength to do these things. Pray that I can boldly share with others so that they, too, can experience the freedom of life without fear! I pray that my life be a testament of what God can do with a willing heart. He took me from a life of complacency and fear and replaced it with a life full of wonder and adventure. God can do more than you could ever imagine if you decide to just be brave and be bold.
