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Comparison and its ugly friends.

 

Comparison is like a disease…one of those sneaky diseases that you think maybe you’re cured from and then out of nowhere it comes back full force to knock you out.

Comparison usually doesn’t come alone either, it is usually accompanied by its ugly friends envy and jealousy, and maybe a little self-hatred from time to time. When left untreated, comparison can really tear you apart and leave you feeling weak, helpless and oftentimes alone.

 

Although this disease tends to make you feel like you’re alone, I think all people, if they’re honest, will admit to suffering from a case of comparison at least a few times in their lives. Sadly, most of us are prone to subtle and seemingly harmless bouts of this illness more often than we’d like to admit.

 

We face opportunities to allow comparison to sneak in daily, just in our simple interactions with people or in our wandering thoughts. There are endless categories upon which to compare yourself to others around you…status, wealth, physical features, intelligence, personality, success, relationships…and the list goes on.

 

There are really only 2 outcomes when you compare yourself to someone else: you either feel “better off” and therefore subconsciously (or at least mentally) put someone down in order to boost yourself up, OR you feel “less than” the other person and therefore put yourself down as you elevate the other person.

 

            Recap: Result of comparison = self-inflation OR self-deprecation.

            …neither of which are healthy or even accurate outcomes.

 

Ok so it’s rampant and ugly and no good for anyone…but what do I do with that? 
 

I’ve been asking the Lord questions about how to combat comparison and get it out of my life for the past couple months, because as much as I’ve tried to will it away or pray it away in the past, it always creeps back in like the sneaky disease that it is.

 

…And like any good lesson, I had to personally experience a bad case of it in order to know a little more about how to treat it. 

 
The other night I was lying in my bed around 12:30am trying to fall asleep and my mind wouldn’t shut off. When left unguarded, my mind has a tendency to bounce around to places it doesn’t need to be. That night it bounced right down the road of comparison and let envy and jealousy in through the front door.
On this particular night, I found myself comparing aspects of my personality to that of those around me (I struggle with comparison in many realms, but this is a familiar one for me). In specific, I was feeling inadequate in the ways I express myself, feeling like I have a hard time truly letting people know me. Recently I had been described as “mysterious” and “misunderstood” (both in good ways when taken in context, but of course your mind can take anything and spin it for the worst…at least mine can).
 
As I lay there, comparing this aspect of myself to others that surround me whom I believe express themselves well and are very much known and understood, I began to let the self-deprecation outcome of comparison sink in.
 
As my mind began to roll these thoughts around, I began to think of the effects of this “character deficit” as it relates to my friendships and even my future marriage. My mind went as far as to question, “Will my husband ever really know me??” (drastic leap, I know, but that’s where my mind went)
 
Finally (and really what I should have done firstly), annoyed with myself and the amount of time I let these thoughts roll around in my head, I cried out to the Lord asking Him why this was so tough for me (still not identifying the lie) and why I couldn’t express myself like those around me.
 
He answered me gently with 2 simple words: “buried treasure.”
 
Immediately my mind ran to the words of Matthew 13:44 as tears sprung to my eyes for the first time that night.
 
“The Kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went out and sold all he had and bought that field.”
           
With 2 simple words, the Lord shone truth onto the lies I had allowed myself to believe. He reminded me that when something is precious and beautiful (like the deep parts of who I am), you not only put it in a box to protect it, but you also bury it to hide it, keep it safe and to be sure not just anyone has access to it. He spoke life and blessing into the very thing I was tearing myself up over. Part of the Kingdom resides in me, and being “hidden” in Christ is not at all a terrible thing (“For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:3), it’s actually what we’re called to.

To top it all off, he allowed me to see a parallel between the man in the parable and my future husband, who will one day catch a glimpse of that hidden treasure within, and in his joy buy the field and spend his life unveiling the depths of that treasure.

Although this brief exchange involved a lot of tears and snot, I learned a really precious and valuable lesson through it.

 

Comparison is not something you can run or hide from…it is literally there at every corner…BUT it is something you can fight. In Ephesians 6 when Paul is detailing the armor of God, the only weapon he lists is “the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (verse 17b).

God’s word fights the enemy’s lies. And the strength of God’s truth triumphs over the devil’s schemes…every time.

 

Hard-earned simple, yet helpful tips to combating comparison:

–Use your sword

(Identify the lies you struggle with and memorize scripture that speaks truth directly into that lie. Find scripture that points to the strength and beauty of Christ in you. When the lie comes forth, say the verse in your head or shout it out, whatever you need to do)

–Speak it out

(The tricky thing about comparison is that it’s a silent disease. Speak out what you are feeling to the Lord and someone you trust…often times the thing you perceive in your head is actually pretty inaccurate. And even if it is partially accurate, a good friend can speak truth and encouragement into the situation. I really believe the power of the lie is lessened by speaking it out. Remember, you are not alone in this struggle.)

–Fortify your mind

(This is a hard one, but I think we really can “take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ” [2 Cor 10:5b] or else it wouldn’t be there in the bible, but it is a tough spiritual discipline. You have to know truth to spot a lie. Find out what it means to allow the Lord to “guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus” [Phil 4:7])

–Solidify your true identity

(This is less of a conquest for you to set out to do, but more so something you need to allow the Lord to do in you. Sit with Him and allow Him to speak truth about who you really are. Ask Him questions about who He sees you to be, then listen and truly soak it in. At the heart of comparison is an insecure identity. Let God’s truth about you speak louder than your own thoughts.)

 

 Honestly, I’ve found comparison to be such a deadly disease because it makes you self-focused instead of Christ-focused, which is right where the enemy wants us. When our eyes shift to ourselves is when everything falls apart…the fact is, we are and always will be imperfect people as long as we live on this earth. We aren’t enough and never will be, but HE is enough in us. It’s really only the shifting of our gaze toward our perfect Creator that can align our hearts with the truth.

 

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:2-3

Sorry this was so long, but it’s what’s been on my heart lately. Hope these ramblings help some of my fellow comparison strugglers out there 🙂 And, by all means, let me know if you have any other tips or thoughts!