I haven’t blogged in a while because honestly I haven’t known what to write. So many thoughts swirling through my head, so many emotions come at me from all directions…honestly it’s exhausting.
It’s month 11…it’s been a long journey and I’m tired. But I realized today that it’s not only just a physical exhaustion that comes with living a crazy nomadic life for almost a year, I’m also hit by the emotional exhaustion of this whole thing ending.
We have 5 more days on the World Race.
5 more days and then we’re headed on a flight out of here, bound for NYC. It’s hard to wrap my head around. So hard, in fact, that sometimes I stop trying. It’s almost easier with a big transition like this to just think about something else.
I feel, in a way, that I’ve excused a lot of my behavior, attitude and general lethargy on the fact that it’s month 11 and it’s “allowed”. Allowed by who?… I dunno…but I know that thought has made me feel better somehow.
Tonight I read an email from a dear friend of mine from back home. It was filled with passion, joy and zeal for the way the Lord is working in her life. It was filled with words of hope, praise and thanksgiving. (side note: we celebrated Thanksgiving 2 days ago with a big group of 40 here the other night and it was wonderful J)
Ok back on track…
Her email really just made me smile. It stirred up things in me that I think I’ve somehow allowed wear down. After spending 11 months traveling, serving and doing ministry day to day it can begin to lose its appeal, you can begin to lose your passion and fervor. Sadly it can become monotonous and the things that once looked shiny and enticing now seem a little dim.
I was convicted tonight as I read her words. Passion. Zeal. Fervor…those are words I want to describe my life. But, honestly, I can’t say that at this moment that they really do. It makes me a little sad to admit it, but I know my heart deeply wants to get back to that place.
It’s strange to me because I know in every season, no matter how glamorous or mundane, our God is the same. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. So why is my passion fleeting and unstable? I’m sure it’s mostly to do with my sinful, selfish self…but honestly I don’t have a good answer.
I don’t have answers for a lot of things right now…like what I’m doing after the race, how I’ll feel when I get home, etc.
But I do know a few things…
I know that I want my passion for the Lord to remain steady and constant in my life, no matter what surrounds me.
I know I want to follow the Lord’s will for my life without regard to much else in this world.
And I know I want these verses to embody my life:
“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to each other in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”
Romans 12:9-12
So here’s to 5 more days, then a lifetime more.
I can’t thank you enough for being a part of this journey…see you all soon. 🙂
PS- thank you to Rebecca Weaver for your email that inspired this blog. I’m beyond thankful to have Jesus-following friends who push me to higher places…even sometimes without knowing it 🙂 I love you my friend.
