Month 1. I’m in Ecuador. I have been going through so many overwhelming emotions since training camp and launch: joy, anger, peace beyond what I’ve felt in years, confusion, lack of trust in people (especially those in authority over me), fear of getting my heart so badly wounded again that it won’t EVER recover – the list could go on. I’ve learned I really relate to broken people. My heartbeat is for the broken hearted, those fragile and weak souls. Why? Because I’ve been that for the past DECADE.
This feeling has been very pronounced since getting to Ecuador. I’ve always known I’ve had a heart for justice, but even more so now, I’m able to recognize that my heart wants to protect the wounded. 
I saw a girl at church yesterday that went up to the front for prayer. I was wondering what her story was since she first stepped forward. The pastors asked us to come up and pray over the people who just came forward. WOW. I hugged that girl and didn’t let go for minutes. She began crying, I began crying and praying, and speaking life into her. IT WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOMENT I’VE HAD SINCE I’VE BEEN HERE. (Why are we so afraid of brokenness when it’s so beautiful and brings us the most healing? What lie are we believing? I’m asking myself that question almost DAILY now, “Melissa, what lie are you believing that’s making you feel this way?”)
Then, on the car ride back to the pastor’s house, Ester, the pastor’s wife looked me in the eye and said in Spanish, “You are very special. From the very first moment I met you, I knew you were special. YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL HEART.” (Daniel, my freaking amazing, hysterical, authentic teammate translated it all for me.:]) Can I tell you something? I feel like I’m coming back to life again after a decade of being DRY BONES.
This is my prayer from Ezekiel 37:4b-5: “Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life!”
YES, PAPPA! I want LIFE, JESUS. GIVE ME LIFE.
It truly sucks to see that this fear of being hurt so deeply and emotionally again is impacting my ability to speak up, SPEAK OUT and BE MYSELF
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I tend to shut down around people in authority over me. WHY?! I abhor this. I’ve been processing and trying to get to the root of this issue since launch. For 11 years of my nursing career, I felt emotionally raped – like my soul was slowly taken from me…my spirit was slowly being killed off by vicious people. I became fearful of people (“fear of man”) – specifically what they could do to me, or how emotionally damaging they could be.
Hurting people hurt people; We are only as sick as the secrets we keep. And the devil most often attacks us in the areas of life where our lives will be the most influential for the Kingdom. 2013 is my year for freedom. DADDY, REPLACE ALL THESE LIES WITH TRUTH. UNDO THE SHAME, UNDO THE WAY I’VE BEEN DOING LIFE FOR THE PAST 11 YEARS. HELP ME UN-LEARN ALL THE ARROWS SATAN HAS LODGED IN MY HEART. Heal my wounds, Pappa. HEAL ME PAPPA. 
You want to know something life changing? I really wish I could’ve learned what I’m about to mention to you now at the age of 20. I LOVE the culture here within The World Race. It’s truly life changing, spirit changing, environment changing — it ushers you into being smack dab in the presence of the Lord. I’m trying to press in every day and not let fear run me. I know that if I can get on the other side of these emotions, THERE WILL BE SO MUCH FREEDOM. 
A NEW CREATION. A NEW ME. A NEW AND RIGHT VIEW OF GOD. A NEW AND RIGHT VIEW OF PEOPLE (and not a fear of them). These 5 principles change everything around you. And I know because I just came back to finish this blog after “team time” and felt so much love poured over me (and pain from my brokenness). Live these truths. I dare you. Seriously.
1.) Have HIGH COURAGE – This is VERY uncomfortable because it doesn’t come naturally in our society. We have to step out into boldness in all our love and in all our conversations, and CALL PEOPLE INTO THE TRUTH OF WHO GOD CREATED THEM TO BE. It’s NOT voicing petty differences, annoyances, preferences or differences of opinion. It’s speaking TRUTH into someone’s life. (Just had this done to me tonight; Such pain, yet such beauty.) Don’t be afraid to be hurt AND MOVE PAST THE PAIN INTO HEALING. <—-I‘m telling this to myself.
How open are you to the working of Holy Spirit in your life? Jesus, I’m open.
2.) Give HIGH CONSIDERATION –
Consider people in EVERYTHING. Your plans, your sleeping environment, your desires, at your job, in your family, in your neighborhood, and even with strangers. In all ways, consider others.
3.) HIGH PREFERENCE – (I love this one.) 
We have to prefer other people over ourselves. This means we fight for the worst seat in the car, we inconvenience ourselves and our desires to prefer the other person. What can I give up for others? FIGHT FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO GET THE THING YOU WANT.
4.) HIGH HONOR – (Another one of my faves.) We treat other people as though we would treat Jesus – as if He were right here with us.
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5.) LIMITED EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE –
Listen, WE ALL HAVE BAGGAGE. SOME THAT WE COULD GO VACATION WITH FOR YEARS. As my pastor has always said, “It’s okay to not be okay, but it’s NOT okay to stay there.” (Thank you Matt Chandler for that truth.) We are always going through stages of growth and pain. We are ALL jacked up people who are constantly having to come to God for wholeness. Don’t hold onto emotional baggage. Most of us have been carrying this crap around for YEARS, sometimes a lifetime. Don’t hold onto stuff and take the OPPORTUNITY TO GROW. PRESS INTO THE PAIN.
So I’m taking this journey into new places I’ve never been or fully explored before.
There is freedom on the horizon. I want to see Pappa in all His glory. I want to know His heartbeat. I’m not going to shrink back. And I encourage you to do the same. Let this encourage all of us:
“So do not throw away your confidence; it will richly be rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, ‘He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. AND IF HE SHRINKS BACK, I WILL NOT BE PLEASED WITH HIM. BUT WE ARE NOT OF THOSE WHO SHRINK BACK AND ARE DESTROYED, BUT OF THOSE WHO BELIEVE AND ARE SAVED.” Hebrews 10:35-39
