Well…. I’m not sure procrastination is even the right word to use for my lack of blog posts at this point! While I could blame it on having a full time job, being lazy, or both, it has been so much more than that. This year has been a really hard year for me to say the least. This blog post is as much for me as it is for you. I need a reminder of why I felt called to do the World Race in the first place and I want y’all to know too!
Ever since I graduated college and moved to South Carolina, I feel like every area of my life has been hit in some way. I’ve been bombarded by disappointments and heartache and it wasn’t until recently that I realized what was happening. While I am smart enough to know that the devil attacks those who are committed to serving God, I was too blind to see that that was exactly what was happening in my life. Sneaky, sneaky Satan…
I look back on this year and I see every place I let Satan win and it breaks my heart. I was so focused on figuring out why God was doing these things in my life that I failed to realize that the only thing God was doing was standing by my side, always giving me a way out. Can’t blame that on being blonde…
While I sit here and see all my failures play out before my eyes, I’m reminded that God has never once stopped loving me. That right there is enough to overwhelm me. The fact that my God, the only One who knows ALL of me- everything awful thought, every wrong choice, every broken piece- would still choose me and love me despite knowing what He knows blows my mind. I cannot imagine a love like that. I cannot imagine loving someone that has time and time again disappointed me, turned their back on me, and rejected me. But that’s the kind of God I serve. If I could understand that kind of love, God would not be God. How very thankful I am that God is nothing like me.
This love is one of the main reasons I’m going. I want to tell people that there is hope, that there is something to live for. I want to show people this love that I have been so graciously offered. I want people to know this God of mine. I want to show people that there is Someone who can heal them, comfort them, and be everything they need. I do not have all the answers and I certainly do not have it all figured out but this love and this hope is one thing I’m certain about and I want to share it with the world.
God has opened my eyes this year to how urgent this message is. I have the pleasure of being an oncology nurse. Cancer is an awful diagnosis to have. It is nasty and mean and it steals life from amazing people. People with cancer are some of the strongest, most encouraging people I know. I am so very thankful for the people that I meet and get to be a part of not only their fight against cancer but their life. One thing cancer has showed me this past year is that you really don’t know how much time you have. While we all know that, it is another thing to experience that Every. Single. Day. I have never been confronted with death so much in my life. I can close my eyes and still see my first patient that passed away in my care. I can vividly remember sitting by his bedside, holding his hand because he had no one else. I can remember wondering as he took his last breath if anyone had gotten to him, if anyone had told him about the hope and love that is offered to us. I remember being confronted with the realization that less than a minute ago this man was here on earth and now I wasn’t sure whether he was in heaven or hell. The message of salvation and the hope we can have has never been so real and so urgent to me than in that moment.
Writing this blog and remembering the reasons I want and need to go, excites me for this next journey in life. I am not going to let Satan win this one. I am beyond blessed to be given this opportunity and at the same time, so incredibly unworthy. Y’all keep praying for me as I prepare for this trip! I need all the prayers and support I can get!! I am going to *try* really hard to keep up with this blog. If y’all are interested in supporting me financially, I will be writing more about how you can do that in blog posts to come. I might be the messenger, but without people willing to send me, I can’t do what I’ve been called to do 🙂
