We played in some leaves–I felt like I was home!
Last week was W squad’s 4 month debrief. I was expecting to spend some time in worship, some time connecting with squadmates, some time in seminars and some time processing through the last 4 months on the race. I had this vision of God and me sitting on my couch with a hot mug of coffee in our hands chatting about life (there was probably a little Ingrid Michaelson playing in the background and it may or may not have been raining in this scenario). Instead I get to debrief and God shows up in a suit, flowers, chocolates and dinner reservations.
In a previous blog I talked about my discoveries of self-worth and intimacy going hand in hand. So in Albania I spent a lot of time trying to see myself through God’s eyes and not my own. It was a month of growth and learning qualities about myself that I really love. I thought debrief would be processing that and moving to whatever the next phase of intimacy is. Instead it was God telling me again and again how much value I have. (clearly there was more to learn) I had such words of love and affirmation spoken over me constantly by teammates and squadmates. Qualities in me I already had seen were encouraged and qualities I never even realized I had were brought to my attention.
We even had a seminar that talked about different prisons people lived in: comparison, regret, bitterness, excuses and withdrawal. I know I live in some of those but the one I spend the most time in is comparison. It’s especially hard on the race because I am surrounded by such incredible people all the time. But even that prison God is calling me out of. He’s not letting me use other people to bring myself down. Friends have started to call me up when I talk down about myself or when I focus on how incredible someone else—not giving any credit to myself. I almost burst into tears when my team affirmed in me that I love well. That being loving is one of my spiritual gifts. I am embracing/becoming the person God created me to be. I am so excited to keep moving towards the best version of me.
I’m not sure this blog makes a ton of sense but it’s what’s been on my heart so I hope that’s good enough. Also at debrief I realized that every day when I looked in the mirror had the thought that I was super pretty (from the neck up—I’m still working on the neck down).
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Also thanks for all your support with Jenna and Rikki! The game was a success and I no longer have to stare at a scary beard any more!
