My awesome mom! We love each other I swear 🙂
So I know with my whole being I am supposed to
do The World Race and yet I continue to ask God for confirmation. And two verses keep
coming up again and again:
“By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would
later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know
where he was going. By faith he made his
home in the Promised Land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in
tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise.� ~Hebrews 11:8-9
later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know
where he was going. By faith he made his
home in the Promised Land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in
tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise.� ~Hebrews 11:8-9
and
“In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything
cannot be my disciple.� ~Luke 14:33
cannot be my disciple.� ~Luke 14:33
These verses literally pop up everywhere: in conversations,
chapel, church, books, emails, etc. I
see them everywhere. So I feel comforted
knowing I am going in the right direction.
chapel, church, books, emails, etc. I
see them everywhere. So I feel comforted
knowing I am going in the right direction.
But there’s this part of me (a part I am ashamed to admit
but I’m going for that whole honest, transparency thing so bear with me) that
feels pride. Pride that I’m willing to
do this, that I’m willing to step out, to leave my life for 11 months to seek
after God and His will. Somehow in my
head I’ve made it about me and what a great person I am and not how this will
bring glory to God.
but I’m going for that whole honest, transparency thing so bear with me) that
feels pride. Pride that I’m willing to
do this, that I’m willing to step out, to leave my life for 11 months to seek
after God and His will. Somehow in my
head I’ve made it about me and what a great person I am and not how this will
bring glory to God.
And then this morning God called me out. I was just minding my own business thinking
about the trip (which I do 99.9% of my time!) and all of a sudden God put a
verse on mind:
about the trip (which I do 99.9% of my time!) and all of a sudden God put a
verse on mind:
“He (Jesus) said to another man, ‘Follow me.’ But the man replied, ‘Lord, first let me go
and bury my father.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Let
the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.’� Luke 9: 59-60
and bury my father.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Let
the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.’� Luke 9: 59-60
My first response was, “Of course! I would follow you! Isn’t this what I’m
doing?� And I felt God saying, “No
really. If your mom died the day before
you were supposed to leave, would you still go?
Would you still seek Me and my will or would you cling to the memory of
your mom?� I didn’t have an answer,
instead I had tears. Lots and lots of
tears. Could I leave without saying
goodbye? Could I survive without my mom? I wish I could honestly say yes–I want that
to be the answer so badly but I can’t yet.
I know this is something I will wrestle with until I am on that plane
heading to Peru. I pray first that I
wouldn’t have to make this unbelievably difficult decision–I love my mom and
can’t imagine the world without her in it–and secondly that if I did that I
would trust God with my heart and follow Him.
I want this trip to be completely about Him and His glory–I’m just His
tool and I need to remember that when I start thinking I’m a Christian
rockstar.
doing?� And I felt God saying, “No
really. If your mom died the day before
you were supposed to leave, would you still go?
Would you still seek Me and my will or would you cling to the memory of
your mom?� I didn’t have an answer,
instead I had tears. Lots and lots of
tears. Could I leave without saying
goodbye? Could I survive without my mom? I wish I could honestly say yes–I want that
to be the answer so badly but I can’t yet.
I know this is something I will wrestle with until I am on that plane
heading to Peru. I pray first that I
wouldn’t have to make this unbelievably difficult decision–I love my mom and
can’t imagine the world without her in it–and secondly that if I did that I
would trust God with my heart and follow Him.
I want this trip to be completely about Him and His glory–I’m just His
tool and I need to remember that when I start thinking I’m a Christian
rockstar.
