When I signed up for the Race I knew I was going out on a limb.
Not by the fact that I would have to sleep in a tent. Or that I'd have to carry everything I own around in a big backpack. Or that I'd leave all my friends and family for a year. That all was somewhat crazy but not out on a limb, 50 feet in the air, hoping the branch doesn't break even though I've eaten one too many Dunkin Donut blueberry muffins crazy!
No, what was that kind of crazy, was thinking I was good enough or Christian enough to go. I mean I didn't (still don't) read my Bible everyday. I didn't (still don't) have quiet time everyday. I had (still have) enough anxieties, issues, problems, struggles, etc. to choke a moose. But I knew God was calling me so I figured I'd keep going.
And then training camp happened. And my squadmates were incredible! When they worshipped they were light and free dancing around as though it was just them and Jesus. I stood in the back and did the polite New England clap and sway.
They spoke in tongues and spoke truth over each other. I glanced anxiously around and tried to think of nice things to say.
And then I really knew I wasn't good enough. These people were AMAZING. I'm ordinary. But, God called so I'll keep pressing forward. And maybe, just maybe God can make me into one of these extraordinary people.
And then I was on the race. And now it's Month 11 — only 11 days till I fly home, and you know what? I'm still a train wreck. Not only do I not do the things listed above but I also:
- make the conscious decision to withhold love sometimes
- talk down to people
- struggle with lustful thoughts
- get unbelievably angry and frustrated with people
- get uproariously angry at God and tell Him just what I think of Him, His plan and His actions
- struggle with body image–hating what God created
- AND SO MUCH MORE!
But you know what? As I've gotten to know my squadmates better I've discovered something unbelievable: everyone is a train wreck of some sort too. Yeah some people speak in tongues or lay flat on their face when they worship. But they also have to fight an addiction to pornography or alcohol. They may be able to speak amazing truth over someone else but they listen to lies about worth and self image too.
When I first looked at the World Race I thought it was a group of people who had their act together and were going out to share the secret of their sucess and God was letting me join in so I could learn their secrets.
But that's not it at all. The World Race is a bunch of broken, hurting train wrecks who love God and are willing to follow Him even when it doesn't make sense, even when they are woefully unprepared, even when they have to come face to face with their inadaquicies and shortcomings.
So, have you been thinking about the Race? Have you been feeling that tug in your stomach or a tap on your shoulder and think, "Oh surely not this God. You can't mean me. I can't be a missionary. I'm a train wreck. I'm a walking disaster!" I hate to be the one to tell you (ok, that's a lie, I'm pumped to tell you!) that I'm pretty sure that means you HAVE TO SIGN UP! The Race is for you! The Race is for the broken, the train wrecks, the walking disasters.
I mean who else is so absolutely willing to do whatever it takes to get their life together? Even if it means travelling the world in a tent and a backpack.
