The Burden of Expectations

Our team worked with Asia’s Hope ministry’s during our month in Thailand. Our team was also the first team that had ever worked with this ministry. So armed with only a vague idea of what we would be doing, our team settled into ministry. Tutu, our amazing contact told us that our goal for the month was to help build a better wall around two of the orphan homes. There had been a nefarious man creeping in and she wanted the girls to feel safe. The barbed wire fence will be no more. Now it is a sturdy concrete wall (which is quite common in Thailand).

Since we were living next door to the children’s homes we were working at, all we had to do was walk around the corner to work. It didn’t take long to realize that helping wouldn’t be as easy as we had thought. Not only were there no women working on the wall, but also the boys who were out of school for two weeks did, and enjoyed doing, most of the work. That left most of us to sit around and wonder what to do.

I hated feeling useless. I also hated the idea of giving ourselves, or the World Race, a bad name. I went around for a week with the presumed expectations hanging over my head. What if Tutu is disappointed and never wants a WR team again? It made me sooooo not relaxed, and so not enjoying myself. The question I always had was, am I doing enough? I had no idea as to the answer. During some prayer time where our team was determined to find God’s heart for the month, I heard God tell me to relax. Nothing else. Just relax. I could enjoy the fact we had a pool, or a small space to call my own. I could enjoy getting to know new teammates and not stress about my performance.

Since the wall was practically building itself without our help, I sought out other things to do. Namely, getting to know the girls at the home. It took a couple if hours of awkwardly sitting with complete strangers to break the barrier and become friends. We practiced English, braided hair, picked lice out of my teammates hair, played games and had a good time. It was some of my most enjoyable times that month. As the time went by, the girls would give me a quick greeting and then dive for a hug. It was clear my time spent with them meant something. Something much more than I think I realized.

Two weeks went by, and all the children returned to school. Leaving our mornings quiet and with plenty of work to do on the wall.

Perhaps AIM expected more. But I realized that’s not what matters. What matters is that I take what. God has given me and do what He expects. Which was to love on girls while I had the chance. To improve their English and give them a better future. To have some fantastic girl time.