I want you to truly understand today my heart as I prepare for the World Race. This journey has taken us so far already and so many of you have been such a blessing. I want you all to know that I thank you so much. I truly cannot stand up and say that I am not who I am because of all of you, whom God some graciously placed in my life. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
This being said, I know that some of you are having a hard time understanding why it is that I am choosing to leave behind my life and go away for a year with nothing but a backpack, a bible and some people you have never met. You tell me about the wars going on in Africa. The background of each country and what has happened to tourist and missionaries in the past. I know that you are scared for me. The simplest answer that I can give you, may not be the easiest one to understand. There is a world that is dying out there. They need a savoir. I am saved. I need to go.
Some days I am scared. I know what the world is like in my own back yard. I see the violence and the sadness here. I can’t begin to know or understand what God will show me in these countries. I have read many blogs and seen many pictures. There are days when I wonder if I can face seeing a dying child, or a war ravaged city. But yet I go. I need to go.
My friend Jill wrote a song. In her lyric’s she writes
I am but a fleeting breath in one extent of time, reaching out to a dying world who thinks it’s doing fine, till one day He calls me home this I know is true, I am just one life living for you.
You see, for me to take this freedom and what I have and keep it a secret would kill me. I am not worried about death, disease or anything else along the way. One I have faith that God will keep me safe but more importantly, I am more worried about what not going would do to me. This is not about me. God has called me to missions. He has asked me to go.
Selfishly I could have said no. I wouldn’t have to worry about being homesick and missing you all so, so much. Or about the fact that change happens in a year, and I won’t even know what to expect upon my return. I wouldn’t have to worry about money, or security here, and if I will have food and shelter each night. I wouldn’t have to step outside of my comfort zone and learn to communicate with people who don’t understand me nor I them. Life could continue for me, but I fear that life would be lacking and I would always feel like I missed out on what God had for me.
I know that God can work through anything, and he can always restore to you the promises that you let go of, but now is my time and this is my call. I have to be obedient. The World Race is going to be fun and exciting. It will have moments of extreme joy. But it will also have times where all I want to be is home in my own bed and at church with my own family.
Its okay for you to be scared, but I want you to know that I am going to be okay. No matter what the outcome of this ministry may be, God will always come out on top. My life is in his hands and his hands are more capable of taking care of me than anyone’s. Please know that your concerns and love for me are so powerful. Some of you may never quite understand my choice to do this, but at least today you know my heart. I love you all
Melissa
