4 days of brokeness. That is about how I can sum up the last days of my life. The Awakening was a party and a half. 4 squads out on the field, staff, heads of AIM, coaches and 30 alumni for a 200+ people, holy spirit party. It was a time to rejoice and celebrate what God has done, is doing and will keep doing in the lives of those we met and especially in our own. It was a time of self reflection where I learned one really hard thing. I have spent this year running in many ways, surrviving, choosing good when the best was waiting and ultimately running scared of a very large calling and a destiny I did not want to face.
I didn’t know how deep my fear of success was, or even why I struggled with it the way I do. But here I was all year, making these little plans along the way, saying who I would see and trying to find a ministry that I could be a little part of, while all along God was speaking to my heart about the next step and the costs of taking it. I have been pondering home and what that will look like. I have been working on balancing life out here, and the reality of life away from here, and all the while freaking out that in two months, this time of my life is over, and I am not going to get it back. That realization made brokeness hit me like a tidal wave. A little lightbulb of revelation overwhelmed me. Have I spent it all? Have I given it all? Do I have more to invest? Am I going to keep running, and keep settling for good in my life, when I was called to the best?
The truth is I have big dreams. Dreams that no one can do on their own. These are dreams that make me realize just how inadequate I am and how much I need the Lord to do all these dreams he has placed in my heart. I am called to be a mother of nations. I have no idea how to even mother my own nation of Canada let alone start nurturing and mothering a boundary that I was told is North, South, East and West. God has given me the first step as I get ready to come home. It starts with building and equiping people to be sent, and my heart is for AIM Canada to be established as a support to AIM in Georgia. My heart is to one day see a whole squad of 50 Canadians heading out on the world race. When I can mother my people at home, then I can be handed the nations. I am humbled as I realize the bigness of all of this. I am no one special, just someone that loves God and wants to see his glory revealed.
God has broken this heart again and again this year. It has been worth the pain. I did not know how much fear, and deep roots of rejection ran in me until this week, watching others come to life and freedom. God has given me the strength and courage to believe that I can do all things through Christ Jesus that gives me strength. He tells us that if we ask for the nations as our inheritance we can have them. So watch out world.. because my name is Melissa Christ Betz and I am coming to claim my inheritance and get me my mountain.
