So I turned 29 today. The world did indeed not end. In fact it only got just a little bit better.
(this pic by the way has no relevance to this blog other than Nat and I look like freakin super models and its my birthday and I can put up the hot pic)
I am home. I am back in Alberta, snuggled under my new warm and fuzzy chocolate brown blanket, in my roommates comfy rocker, that now sits in my new room. One I have all to myself even. Today is the first day of being fully content to be at home, at peace, hopeful for the future etc. Happy Birthday to me. Thank you Jesus
It has been a roller coaster of emotions as I have tried to sit down and blog these last couple of weeks, and I know I have neglected you the fans (ha, ha, ha) for far to long and I may just lose my audience, but let me take you back to the beginning of home.
It didn’t begin to hit me as we started to say goodbye to the gang and people started to go there separate ways. It didn’t hit me as I tried to sleep on the hard cold floor of JFK, that this would be the last airport we all sleep over in together. It didn’t hit me as I said my goodbyes. No it hit me when I walked to the gate and turned to say something to someone and for the first time ever on a travel day, I was alone. There was no one to talk to. It was then that it hit me like a ton of bricks. Tomorrow I will wake up with a new family again. A family that knows me prior to the race, and my squad family will do the same. This is it, it is over. Wow did 11 months of my life whip by and did I really enter into the borders of 18 countries, and 4 airports this year?
Suddenly I scrambled to remember all the things I didn’t write down. What were those funny things that made my team and I laugh so hard? Who said that thing that one time…you know that thing? I fought desperately to hang on to the moments in my head, panicked that they may not have been what we thought they were. I fought to hang on to the moments that I felt may be lost at home to others who may not get it, or who may indeed feel like I am crazy. All the while I am staring at the menu at Starbucks and wondering why the heck anyone would ever want to pay 5 dollars for a cup of coffee, that will either keep your anxiety levels up, cranky, bloated, or having to pee all day. (sorry good people I try not to attack your addictions, but I write honestly, and this was a “I hate mass consumers like Starbucks” moment)
The truth of the matter is I will always have it. I will keep the memories, the moments of joy, laughter, embarrassments, pain, heart aches, and especially the victories. These are my stories. They were my life, and though I felt them leaving with the squad, the lessons learned I will hold onto, the friends people told me “will slip away and you will move on”, well they won’t (Thank you facebook). But for a moment I panicked. I could feel the voices of the enemy coming through the people attacking the healings of my heart, my motives, and our moments. I was sad for the ones who wouldn’t ever believe that blind eyes saw in Mozambique, Malaria left with but one name mentioned. The name of Jesus. I was sad for the ones who would be so relieved I was home, safe now and out of harms way. How would I explain that Canada almost feels more harmful for me after a year of radical faith being stretched and a life that solely is dependant on the Lord. I am now thrust back into a life of comforts and blessings, and mass idol consumption and I feel more terrified then I did in the heart of Haiti. There I knew I needed Jesus, here he can become an after thought. Here I can be so easily distracted by the 1000’s of things we keep ourselves busy with. Here I will fight to lean on the Lord, for my everything still, and resist the old habits of do for ones self, and asking him later “Ummm so what was your will for me again?”
Now I didn’t say all this to attack my beloved Canada. I am happy to be home in more ways then one can express. Let me tell you about a few of them. My sister. We had an awesome time together and our relationship has really grown this year. She is a wonderful mother, sister and friend who gives almost entirely too much of herself to others and to life, but her generosity and heart is outstanding and every time she is raising more money for the school or sending pigs through World Vision my heart lights up and I see that someone must have raised us to be little activists, because she most certainly is. Jenn I love you, and I am so proud of you. Thanks for the sushi. You rock.
Linda. Not just your average step mom. Linda your one of the strongest, compassionate, and loving women I know. I have never been prouder to allow someone to share the mom title with anyone. I loved our time together and it seemed all to short. From working it out at curves, coffee with grandma (shout out to her she is 96 and looks 75), and ballets, you made home warm and fun and helped me to get through the homesickness for the world. I love you momma 2.
Dad, oh dad. We never seem to get enough time when I am there. I love you so stinkin’ much. Thank you for your support of me and what is coming next, trust me nothing feels better and reduces oneself to a little girl again then when her daddy says he is proud of her. Well your a part of who I am, so thanks dad for raising me the way you did.
I feel the need to give a shout out to Mark who helped with the late night phone calls of me acting like I was okay and him seeing through it and bringing me back to a place of peace. You are a blessing me friend.
AND THEN there was home to Alberta. MOM I MADE IT. No you can’t kidnap me and keep me here, but you have me for now. I don’t need to tell you about my mom, other than to have you think of the greatest mom in the world and then insert her face there. And then there was the super wonderful bestest way one could ever be welcomed at the airport. Sherri Lynn and Corrine you two are nuts, and I feared for the giant over zealous airport security man that I saw in my head tackling the both of you to the ground as you yelled “The sign, the sign” Why did I look around so much? Because I am used to not drawing attention to one self in foreign countries all year. Man alive I love my girls. Nuts as you are. No but serious moment here, your amazing ladies, and I can’t tell you what your prayers, letters, and love did for me this year. Your my worldly life lines and you know it. I love you both.
Jon this blog wouldn’t be fair if I did not include you in it. You’re a blessing and will continue to be so for my life, no matter where it may lead you in the future, you are loved by this friend and I am praying for you. Thank you for all you did to see my dream come to reality.
The list goes on and on. The names and faces of a life spent here. My wonderful family, my wonderful church families, my amazing group of friends. Today I was hit with the mass birthday and welcome home greetings on facebook and I was overwhelmed by the people God has given me. I have been humbled again and again in how He used all of you this year in so many different ways to keep me going, keep me strong. Your my birthday blessings. Being with all of you is the best present I could ever get (though I do except chocolate, massage packages, and anything geek like in nature ie…I need the Star Wars movies again 🙂 JUST SAYIN’
Well I am off now to go and have a birthday breakfast with my new roomie, finish moving in my stuff, and getting ready for a night out with some of my fav ladies. One more thing…. Happy Birthday Di, love you.
