I've been feeling un-zesty on this blog for the last little while.
Maybe I'm not sure what you guys want to hear. Personal stuff? Ministry stuff? There's just a lot of stuff happening always that it's hard to know which to finely select for your viewing pleasure.
It's the great wine vineyard of experiences and you're asking me to pick JUST ONE wine to compliment your desire for the right blend and texture of emotions, cultural interactions, lessons learned, ministry reports, and funny happenings.
The Cabernet Sauvignon from 2010 I guess?
I don't even drink wine. But I'm searching for some kind of explanation as to why I feel like I can't quite tell you what's going on. I'm trying though. So I'm just going to tell you some current truths.
1. My shirts are all ball-y from being washed in so many various ways. I stood in the mirror and shaved the armpits of my striped sweater one day.
2. Sometimes I am psyched about ministry; some days I would rather lay on my floor mattress and stare at the ceiling. Proof that I'm still a selfish human being in my core, proof that I'm still alive and not in Heaven yet.
3. I think I'm being lazy. I think I'm forgetting what an opportunity this trip is, what an incredible gift it is to be surrounded by seven women who are racing up this God mountain with me and supporting me the whole way. I need reminders constantly.
4. When I looked that World Race website, I thought the trip looked like the most incredible thing but now I know that, just like regular life, it is what you make it. (So Melissa in the future… when you've arrived home, remember this: LIFE IS INCREDIBLE FOR THE SIMPLE FACT THAT LIFE IS INCREDIBLE. ANYWHERE. LIVE LIKE THAT.)
5. It's funny to think about the things that you miss most when you're far from home… a duvet against my skin, a good cheeseburger with good ketchup, a couch/lounging furniture, some intensive moisturizing conditioner, and a kitchen to just hang out in.. those would all be up my alley of fantasies right now.
6. God meets me every single time I manage to squeeze him into my day. Sometimes I don't like it, however. And sometimes it's in the faces of my eager little English students, or pastors who so desperately want to pray for us to receive the gifts of the Spirit, or baby boys who walk around with no pants on, and sometimes it's a still, small voice at the top of the staircase when I quiet my heart enough to hear Him.
7. I got blisters on my feet from walking on our rooftop terrace the other day. SE Asia is hot!
8. People just want to be acknowledged, seen, and heard. It doesn't matter if you're a tuk tuk driver in Phnom Penh or a cashier in small town, Canada. We all just want our existence to matter. It is our common thread.
9. Kids in our neighbourhood DAILY run to the street when they see us coming on our walk to the orphanage. "Helloooo, hello, hellooooo! What's your name? What's your name?" It's precious moments for us little Westerners.
10. Ministries are all around. I don't have to be at my designated site for there to be an opportunity to be Jesus. In fact, some of the most significant happen within my own team. Those girls are my ministry just as much as anyone else out there.
11. The most gratifying thing I've learned in the past few months is to CHASE GOD'S WONDER at every turn and corner along the way. From architecture to the different kinds of laughter to physics to the importance of internal organs… It's the saving grace for my soul on a tough day.
So there's that. The half-baked goodness. Folks, we're in the oven now. We are no longer in the mixing bowl. The temperature is uncomfortable and I'm sweating (literally). But this is where the chemical change happens. Baking soda stops being just a white powder and actually does something with itself. It forms the cookie. It gives it its spread-y-out-y-ness. Its texture and consistency. So, I guess that's what is happening. I'm getting all spread-y-out-y and being formed. It's kind of messy. If you took me out of the oven now, you'd be like "What do I do with this?" I'm not cookie dough, but I'm not quite a cookie, either. I'm a work in progress. I'm half-baked and loving it but hating it but knowing that 8-12 minutes in the oven feels like forever sometimes but it's always worth it in the end.
For the record though, I'm a monster cookie.
