I'm debating whether or not to write.
I've gone back to the kitchen three times for another helping of taco chips and a 3 litre bottle of root beer sits next to me on the table.
A bunch of people did an Insanity workout today. I did not.
Just one of those days I guess.
I invited a girl to come to church today and I actually thought she was going to show up. I stayed outside of the church waiting for her while the first few songs played out but she didn't come. I don't remember her name.
She's moving away soon and I'll probably never see her again but I almost cried standing outside of that church, the warm sun of reassurance on my back but the harsh reality of deep hurt on my face. I nearly cried. There's some kind of connection that I feel for her, that I want so badly for her to be surrounded by love.
Did she forget about the invitation to church? Was she afraid to come?
I wished she would have come. I would have squealed and wrapped my arms around her and told her that Jesus is love. And that she's beautiful. And maybe we would have talked about her son who lives in Nicaragua or if she's fearful of moving to her aunt's house or who she wants to be when she grows up.
I saw her siting on the hill. We were playing with the kids at the bottom, shooting hoops and jumping rope and chasing bubbles. And someone dared me to ride a skateboard down the massive hill. And I obviously refused because I'm not in a hurry to spend time in a Costa Rican hospital (although I'm sure they're lovely). But we stood at the bottom of the hill and watched a boy climb it with a skateboard in hand. We thought he was going to ride down the hill but were disappointed to see him turn into a house and out of sight.
And then I saw her. At the top of the hill. She was sitting on a concrete step. I said aloud that I would like to talk to her. My friend agreed and started walking.
"Oh, uh… ok." Sometimes I want to do things but there's a fear that holds me back. Legitimate fears. Miscommunications. HABLAS SOMETHING I HABLAS?! What if she thinks I'm a stupid white girl (partially true) and doesn't want to talk to me? What if she summons someone to scare me off? Honestly… what if.
But my friend's legs were moving so I followed, up the steep hill and towards the girl to whom we introduced ourselves and I kind of fell in love. From the little bit that I heard, I can only assume that her story is vast and deep and harsh but there's a beautiful girl living that story and I only wish I could be part of it.
I want her to be reunited with her son and have a good job and get married to a Godly man who treats her like a queen. And I hope I get the chance to tell her.
