In thirty-eight days, I will step foot on American soil for the first time in 11-months.
I’m not sure where time has gone, but here I sit, in the end of month 10, under the sun on a hill in Romania, reminiscing on all that has happened the past 9 months.
Thinking about the people I’ve come in contact with, the ministries I’ve served alongside, and my brothers and sisters whom I have shared constant life with over this past season of life. Looking back on all the things I’ve seen, and all that has been seen in me. The love that has developed, the freedom that has been brought, the new identities that have been created, and all the lives that have been changed because of the love of our one and only Abba.
While in Romania, we have been serving at Seventh Springs Camp. Our ministry has consisted of work around the camp to prepare it for its busy summer season, kind of like last month. I’ve spent my days alongside my squadmates cleaning at least 1,000 carpet tiles (by hand, not with a carpet cleaner, which would make the most sense..), putting the carpet tiles back in the rooms (just insane.. I never really was a good puzzle person), cutting acres of grass (thanks daddy for teaching me how to hang with the boys), and pulling so many weeds out of flower beds that my hands got blistered.
Our ministry has been great, hard work, but great. Our accommodations have been amazing (beds and showers!) and we have been surrounded by the most amazing sunrises, sunsets, and rolling green hills anyone you could ask for (seriously.) But despite all the greatness that has composed this month, to be honest, it’s been a tough one.
God’s seriously just been rocking my world this month in all sorts of different ways and being towards the last string of the race, I find myself in just this awkward place. I am ready to be home, but then when I think about home, I can’t imagine my life outside of the world race. As I sit here in this moment, I find myself frustrated. Like seriously frustrated, and have been for the past week or so. I’m frustrated with community, being here, having no idea what life will look like back home, and just everything. Right now, I call myself the “Debbie downer”.. you know, the one in the group who can turn anything and everything into something negative.
So how did I get here? How did things go from the typical “mountain high spiritual deal”, to the “deep valley” of where I’m at? To be honest, I have no idea.. but if there is anything that I have learned on the race thus far, is that it is okay to not be okay. So for right now, in month 10 of the race, I am learning what it truly means to be okay with not having everything in my life be okay. I’m learning and seeing first hand how easy it truly is to miss out on all the good things around you, by finding all the negative in everything. Learning that its always easier to find the negative in situations, instead of being thankful and grateful for what God provides for us and blesses us with day to day.
So where to we go from here?
Well, for me it always goes back to choice. Something that I’ve realized is a day-to-day concept, no matter how long I’ve been dealing with the concept of it. So with this day, I choose joy, life, and growth in these moments over frustration.
With one month on the field left, there is so much more joy, life, and growth. My prayer is that He continues to make me, and shape me into everything He wants me to be. I am so thankful and grateful that I serve a God who doesn’t give up on me in my moments of frustration, even though I’ve given up on all that surrounds me.
So we’re back to the roots, back to the one concept that changes everything in life: Choice. The daily choices that will make or break you, so in this moment, this day, I choose Him over the frustration that has taken over me the past week.
