i just wanted to be real and raw.. so below is a journal entry that I wrote tonight about what's going on in my heart..
My thoughts are just everywhere… Some things I just don't understand. Is it okay for me to question the things of this world and where you're at in it all? Because tonight I'm not sure where you were…. Because all I saw was the darkness… All I saw was the pain and the emptiness… The broken hearts and fake smiles.
You're such a BIG God and can do anything with the snap of a finger… So why won't you shut down all the bars on Bangela Road… where women are place in glass cages and forced to dance for all to see? Where men are so trapped in their own pleasures that they lose sight of their own worth, as well as the women dancing nearly naked right in front of them? And where 18 year old women sell their body just to be able to provide support for their 8 month old baby? Blah…. Some things I just don't get… I don't get the darkness… I don't get why this road even exists..
Abba, I don't get what you're trying to do here… It frustrates me and makes me so mad.
Is it okay to not "get" the things you're doing? Is it okay for me to be mad and frustrated?
Abba, show me your heart tonight… Give me your eyes so I can see this road and the things of this road the way you do.. Have grace for me in my frustration.
I ask for your peace and understanding.
You're a big God, I know you're hand is over it all.. Help me see that tonight."
